I slept like crap. It was ridiculous. But I was nervous for being released on real people during the last day. Nervous that if I could actually do it. Nervous that people would like what I had to offer. That I'd be a laughing stock though that last one seemed the most unlikely. Having been to lots of yoga before and never experienced people cracking up. But anyways all sort of the nervous and unsure thoughts went through my body.
Fortunately Sue and Ray sort of knew that would happen and planned accordingly. The main take away or one of the take a ways for the day was that we are all the same. At the beginning of the day we broke up in groups of three and were given three poses to make up assists for. My group got fish, dancer and pyramid. We didn't actually get to pyramid but figured out some good ones for fish and dancer. Though in a real class its not like you'd have 5 minutes to sit and thing about the pose, it was nice to realize that we could do it. All the groups got different poses and we presented them to each other. So it was interesting to see what other people came up with. I still maintain balance poses are tricky....very tricky..but i like half moon the best.
After the groups we split up again. This time in twos where we were going to assist each other in a practice one on one for 45 minutes each. Gulp! and of course my partner was about 6'2'' which provides some logistical tricks in itself. But it was fun. I felt like I focused a lot while doing it and realize now how exhausting it is. But I only smacked into her once and didn't actually knock her on the floor. SCORE!!!
That will likely happen eventually and I just hope the person I do it to is nice and understanding. Because I know I will be mortified...temporarily. Regardless. So this practice was good because after we finished I at least had this feeling that "holy crap, maybe I can do this" which was good because we had a quick dinner break and then it was time for the real people. Which was scary in itself. I mean talk about panic.
But all in all it was really just a lot of fun. It was scary of course but there were a few really awesome moments. Where I did an assist in triangle and an assist in supine twist and i felt the person melt under me. And that was exciting. And I loved it!
Afterward we discussed vulnerability. Which is not really anyways favorite topic. Especially mine. In examining the entire weekend it made me realize how good I am at closing off for the world. Especially lately. And I know a lot of people would say "oh you're entitled because of whats been going on" and maybe they are right. But i think its bullshit. I mean this is the time to get more open and let peoples loves come in. So that is probably the biggest take away of the entire thing, or well one of. In addition to the actually assisting. We are all the same. All our struggles are the same or close . We all deserve love and the best way to do it is open yourself up to it and believe that you deserve it.
The training really brought all that sort of feeling to the forefront where hopefully it will stay for awhile :)
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Three quarters done
So day three of assistant training began with fear again. Its funny how after feeling really good after day 2 it was weird how nervous I felt going in for Day 3. Its totally that mentality of though they liked me last weekend, will they like me again this weekend. Also I've been feeling a bit socially stunted lately because i spent so much time on my own in the last 6 months. I mean I went weeks without seeing people so I definitely get way more stressed out about it now. And making small talk! Forget about it. I feel like a 5yr old. Seriously. Though I'm realizing I have a knack to get people talking and my good listening skills come in handy. Because lately I've gotten a bunch of people to open up to me which is flattering in a way. And weird in another way. I don't mind but sometimes i listen to people talk and think wow this is really personal stuff, and they are telling me about it. How cool is that?
Anyways back to training. Day 3 we did hip openers and twists. These assists have an innate way of making you feel completely dumb because they are really hard to do. Its one of those times where hesitation is frowned upon and you have to actually be kind of forceful in the assist. Not something I'm good at in general and especially when I'm new at something. That is something I've always struggled with. But I attempted and somewhat successfully made it through. The hardest part of the day was when we had to run the "gauntlet". Any time they use that word its scary.
The two assistants that came to help and then the teachers took crescent lung twist and revolved triangle and we had to assist once in each pose until we got it right. Which meant we went through each line until we "passed". I hate this kind of thing in school situations because I know I tend to learn things a bit slower then others, which I'm fine with. I just don't like to broadcast it. So I don't like this situation cause it feels like you get called out for not picking up the material quickly. So i knew that I would likely be one of the last people and I was.
There was a time in my life that I wouldn't have been able to identify why I would be so uncomfortable with that situation, so YAY on that front but it would be nice if I didn't feel so uncomfortable to begin with. But I guess growth comes slowly.
On a side note.
I heard an interesting quote today. "The thing about feelings is sometimes we have to feel them. " Makes sense I mean we can't spend our lives surpressing everything or only feeling the "good ones". And regardless of what the feeling is we need to work through them to make them go away. Food for thought.
Anyways we finished off the day and I staggered home to get some rest for Day 4. At least I officially live in Cambridge now.
Anyways back to training. Day 3 we did hip openers and twists. These assists have an innate way of making you feel completely dumb because they are really hard to do. Its one of those times where hesitation is frowned upon and you have to actually be kind of forceful in the assist. Not something I'm good at in general and especially when I'm new at something. That is something I've always struggled with. But I attempted and somewhat successfully made it through. The hardest part of the day was when we had to run the "gauntlet". Any time they use that word its scary.
The two assistants that came to help and then the teachers took crescent lung twist and revolved triangle and we had to assist once in each pose until we got it right. Which meant we went through each line until we "passed". I hate this kind of thing in school situations because I know I tend to learn things a bit slower then others, which I'm fine with. I just don't like to broadcast it. So I don't like this situation cause it feels like you get called out for not picking up the material quickly. So i knew that I would likely be one of the last people and I was.
There was a time in my life that I wouldn't have been able to identify why I would be so uncomfortable with that situation, so YAY on that front but it would be nice if I didn't feel so uncomfortable to begin with. But I guess growth comes slowly.
On a side note.
I heard an interesting quote today. "The thing about feelings is sometimes we have to feel them. " Makes sense I mean we can't spend our lives surpressing everything or only feeling the "good ones". And regardless of what the feeling is we need to work through them to make them go away. Food for thought.
Anyways we finished off the day and I staggered home to get some rest for Day 4. At least I officially live in Cambridge now.
Friday, July 6, 2012
First weekend assitant realizations
What I struggle with is love. Self Love. But I realized in receiving assists that the appeal was the transfer of love and acceptance to someone else and therefore helping that person accept themselves. I think it resides in the gut. It is just this knowing that its all ok and that everything where you are today is ok and to be able to transfer that to someone else is very powerful. And in return to gain a feeling of accepting yourself at the point that you are at. It translates to the other parts of life in helping my grandfather, even when he's annoying and I don't want to. Even when its hard and realizing I can love an accept him even if I don't like him.
Its sort of ironic that in many ways I am accepting of other peoples flaws without being accepting of my own. And I think in becoming more accepting of ones self your are more accepting of others.
I hope to transfer support to students. Support in practice and in breath. sort of like love and acceptance it goes hand in hand without love. And support you can't feel each of them and those translate into acceptance for where a person is today. And what they are bring to the mat. It definitely can't reside in your brain because its not an analytical feeling you just have to feel it. Somewhere deep down its sort of the difference between knowing and understanding. You just have to feel/ know or understand without thinking.
Its sort of ironic that in many ways I am accepting of other peoples flaws without being accepting of my own. And I think in becoming more accepting of ones self your are more accepting of others.
I hope to transfer support to students. Support in practice and in breath. sort of like love and acceptance it goes hand in hand without love. And support you can't feel each of them and those translate into acceptance for where a person is today. And what they are bring to the mat. It definitely can't reside in your brain because its not an analytical feeling you just have to feel it. Somewhere deep down its sort of the difference between knowing and understanding. You just have to feel/ know or understand without thinking.
Day 2 assistant training
I woke up exhausted and sore from the day before. I also accidentally slept an extra hour because my phone didn't go off right. Thank goodness I don't sleep in much regardless so I wasn't too behind. I got ready and loaded up my stuff and went back to the apartment to check my soggy bed,. Which was still soggy. Not the best laid plan but whatever. So i unpacked some kitchen stuff and talked to one of the roomies before walking down to prana for day 2.
Like I said I was already pretty sore so I was nervous about my ability to practice a ton. But I kept up good. We started the day with closed hop poses....no i lied... we started the day with downward dog.
This assist was actually complicated because it involves getting in a huge....we're talking huge...lung at the persons head and pushing up on the top of their hip bones. It feels ok but it was hard to get the hang of. I've been practicing it in my screenings...its sort of hit or miss assist. Also its only appropriate for certain body types, so I won't get to use it that often on the lay person. The more appropriate assists are hands and feet. Though if you can work in a neck massage it has a pleasant result.
Next we did closed hip poses. These involve a lot of suggestions about ways the muscles are supposed to go. Like in Warrior 1. But in things like airplane and standing leg split you better have your wits about you because you can really knock someone over..oops. Hopefully doesn't happen much.
I went to four burgers for lunch. Which was great. I really wanted beef and actually really wanted to be by myself. It had been a good weekend thus far and was the whole time. But being around that many people that I didn't really know for that long had begun to wear on me. It was good that I had a chance to chill out by myself for a little bit because the beginning of the afternoon was very emotional.
We had to reflect about what assisting means to us and the word we wanted to convey wordlessly while we were assisting. Mine was self love. Which is something I have struggled with my whole life. Especially lately. I mean being bad and cut up really doesn't do good things for ones self presentation and self worth. So I have experienced self love by getting a head assist during that time and that is my goal in assisting. To help people love themselves and help myself.
It is also a way to drop your boundaries and commune with a lot of people at the same time. But it was exhausting and I cried a lot. But yoga is such a squishy environment with all women except for Ray so it was all OK.
Fortunately after this we worked on restorative assists. Fallen tree, sputavatakonasana, supin spinal twist, and savasana.
Si these were great. There is alot of head and feet work. The magic head massage is actually tricky when the person has a ponytail. Which is probably one of the reasons I've gotten so much head loving especially as of late. No complaints there. But its scary cause you don't want to drop someones head. I mean so much worse than knocking someone over. Thunking their head. would be so much worst.
We also learned the spinal traction that ray did on me the day before. Its a good one and requries some maneuvering when the person is big...but doable. But we had a practice and assistant practice at the end of class and it was good to take it all and meld it together.
It was an amazing weekend and exhausting at the same time. I couldn't believe it was half over. I walked back to the apartment. Bed still wet so I slept in newton again. Completely exhausted. But to quote one of my favorite yogis...."my socks have been blown".
Like I said I was already pretty sore so I was nervous about my ability to practice a ton. But I kept up good. We started the day with closed hop poses....no i lied... we started the day with downward dog.
This assist was actually complicated because it involves getting in a huge....we're talking huge...lung at the persons head and pushing up on the top of their hip bones. It feels ok but it was hard to get the hang of. I've been practicing it in my screenings...its sort of hit or miss assist. Also its only appropriate for certain body types, so I won't get to use it that often on the lay person. The more appropriate assists are hands and feet. Though if you can work in a neck massage it has a pleasant result.
Next we did closed hip poses. These involve a lot of suggestions about ways the muscles are supposed to go. Like in Warrior 1. But in things like airplane and standing leg split you better have your wits about you because you can really knock someone over..oops. Hopefully doesn't happen much.
I went to four burgers for lunch. Which was great. I really wanted beef and actually really wanted to be by myself. It had been a good weekend thus far and was the whole time. But being around that many people that I didn't really know for that long had begun to wear on me. It was good that I had a chance to chill out by myself for a little bit because the beginning of the afternoon was very emotional.
We had to reflect about what assisting means to us and the word we wanted to convey wordlessly while we were assisting. Mine was self love. Which is something I have struggled with my whole life. Especially lately. I mean being bad and cut up really doesn't do good things for ones self presentation and self worth. So I have experienced self love by getting a head assist during that time and that is my goal in assisting. To help people love themselves and help myself.
It is also a way to drop your boundaries and commune with a lot of people at the same time. But it was exhausting and I cried a lot. But yoga is such a squishy environment with all women except for Ray so it was all OK.
Fortunately after this we worked on restorative assists. Fallen tree, sputavatakonasana, supin spinal twist, and savasana.
Si these were great. There is alot of head and feet work. The magic head massage is actually tricky when the person has a ponytail. Which is probably one of the reasons I've gotten so much head loving especially as of late. No complaints there. But its scary cause you don't want to drop someones head. I mean so much worse than knocking someone over. Thunking their head. would be so much worst.
We also learned the spinal traction that ray did on me the day before. Its a good one and requries some maneuvering when the person is big...but doable. But we had a practice and assistant practice at the end of class and it was good to take it all and meld it together.
It was an amazing weekend and exhausting at the same time. I couldn't believe it was half over. I walked back to the apartment. Bed still wet so I slept in newton again. Completely exhausted. But to quote one of my favorite yogis...."my socks have been blown".
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Contentment assist
I did my second assistant screening is week. Actually I did it Monday night. Which was great cause I definitely wanted to ride the wanderlust high as long as possible. So I was feeling pretty zen when I started. Which was good. I also did not get nearly as strong of a I'm going to vomit feeling. So that was another bonus.
Overall I felt pretty good again. There were still some moments that felt very clunky to me. But not a ton. And there was a few moments that felt really good. There is something completely satisfying about seeing someone melt under your touch and relax into it. And that happened a few times too. So all all in all a really good practice.
The interesting thing about doing this screening with many different people is the type and quality comments afterward. Tony definitely had some things that he wanted me to work. Which I think is going to be an always sort of thing. I mean that's how we improve right. The really good thing he said was he liked my overall presence during the practice and said that I was very grounding. When he said that I was just thinking "SCORE"!!!!!!
So in summary definitely getting better and can't wait to do another one.
So in saving this post temporarily I realized I never finished first assist. Oops we are out of order.
Overall I felt pretty good again. There were still some moments that felt very clunky to me. But not a ton. And there was a few moments that felt really good. There is something completely satisfying about seeing someone melt under your touch and relax into it. And that happened a few times too. So all all in all a really good practice.
The interesting thing about doing this screening with many different people is the type and quality comments afterward. Tony definitely had some things that he wanted me to work. Which I think is going to be an always sort of thing. I mean that's how we improve right. The really good thing he said was he liked my overall presence during the practice and said that I was very grounding. When he said that I was just thinking "SCORE"!!!!!!
So in summary definitely getting better and can't wait to do another one.
So in saving this post temporarily I realized I never finished first assist. Oops we are out of order.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
First assist
I did my first assisting yesterday and it was awesome. I was understandably terrified. Partially cause I didn't really know the teacher I was about to practice on and I didn't want her to turn around and be like "ok you suck" I mean maybe not a fully legit fear but a fear none the less.
We did it in a Prana 2 music class which was nice but it made it very hard to breath loud enough, or at least feel like you were breathing loud enough. But I didn't get any critic on that one so yay. The best thing was right before we started the volunteer come over and said to feel free to try new things on her. Which I appreciated because I don't know if I would have necessarily been that bold on my own. But it was nice in the poses that had two sides to them to try the straight forward assist I one side and then make or try to make up something new on the other. Some of which felt really good.
The main take aways I will take from this first one into the second are to get right in there at the beginning. Because one thing that I find amazing is how much people pick up I my nerves at the beginning of a practice. Even when they are barely feel able on my end. So definitely need to figure out techniques in which to "shake out" the nerves more. Also I will focus on using my palms more. This was a very interesting point because palms feel much less creepy. In general. Which isn't exactly something you think about right away. Also in using the palms ita a much more energetic way to give an assist which is always a good thing.
So overall it was a wonderful experience and I can't wait to do my second one on monday.... With a dude. Hurray
We did it in a Prana 2 music class which was nice but it made it very hard to breath loud enough, or at least feel like you were breathing loud enough. But I didn't get any critic on that one so yay. The best thing was right before we started the volunteer come over and said to feel free to try new things on her. Which I appreciated because I don't know if I would have necessarily been that bold on my own. But it was nice in the poses that had two sides to them to try the straight forward assist I one side and then make or try to make up something new on the other. Some of which felt really good.
The main take aways I will take from this first one into the second are to get right in there at the beginning. Because one thing that I find amazing is how much people pick up I my nerves at the beginning of a practice. Even when they are barely feel able on my end. So definitely need to figure out techniques in which to "shake out" the nerves more. Also I will focus on using my palms more. This was a very interesting point because palms feel much less creepy. In general. Which isn't exactly something you think about right away. Also in using the palms ita a much more energetic way to give an assist which is always a good thing.
So overall it was a wonderful experience and I can't wait to do my second one on monday.... With a dude. Hurray
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Hat free
With the impending heat wave I decided to go hat and scarf free to work. I had released the view to a few people but im biting the bullet and walking in the front door. Here goes nothing.... Pardon the sweat. I just walked to work :) 
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)