Why phone a friend is awesome

Ok this post is kind of just for me, but here we go. Actually they are all just for me... So there :-p 

Anyway, it was recently brought to my attention that I diminished an accomplishment because I had the help of a friend. Actually it was that a friend talked me out of doing something that could have been emotionally pretty devastating.  And though the end result, was the good emotionally healthy result, which is really the important part of the whole cenerio I shluffed it off because I had help. 

That is what's annouying about our culture. There is nothing wrong with asking for help and actually it's better. I mean more brains, more hands more eyes the better. Right? I still have my own conscious thought and ability to reason but there is nothing wrong with taking a pollin sample before making a decision.  And frequently it can lead to making the better decision, more true to self choice. 

In this case and probably many other bad  decisions, I made them while trying to be someone that I am not. It's more important to accept the way you are and your nature and realize that's ok. There is no reason to try and prove something to someone that really isn't you. If you're bothered be bothered, and don't pretend otherwise. 

So I realized that it doesn't matter how you get to the right decision. Just that you get there, and if you had to lean on someone to do it. Then more power to you. 

Yoga teacher training wk 1 + 2

24JAN14-02FEB14

It's been a very emotionally charged bit of time. Yoga teacher training started and brought with it lots of good  things and reasonable heap of stress. Starting with the fact that I had to write a paper I sort of assumed was due in April in about 5 days and it supposed to be 10 pages minimum, cue the panic, but I got it done.  And I'm definitely feeling a bit more at ease on the work load front.  The rest of the two weekends brought with them getting to know 14 other really amazing individuals and I look forward to getting to know everyone better.  I'm thankful already that the training is so small.   Much less stressful for me, who is not a huge fan of groups.

Possibly as a consequence of the paper or the fact that I know I have been internally searching for things to change I've made some really strong realizations about my self, and my nature.  The smallest of which are "I am important".  Thinking about my yoga journey sparked a lot of correlations and I realized the source of some things. Mainly my strong desire to blend into the background, and how this desire starting in middle school.   I have felt and been different for basically as long as I've known that being different can get you made fun of.

Its only recently I realized that being different and having a different experience is an asset, not a flaw.  Its a hard less to wrap my head around, but I know over time it will happen. I mean for someone who hates being different I sure have an interesting way to avoid it.  I mean the initial way I was different was physical.  I was basically an extremely late bloomer, so much so that doctors questioned the functionality of my body.  I had my first cat scan at 16, so freaked out I had to sit on my mom's lap before.  No i'm totally serious.  

When we weren't talking physical things,   I mean most of my interests even now are a little atypical.  I went to a liberal arts college and majored in chemistry...I played bassoon for 15 years (some of the time it was almost as tall as I was)  I like group fitness, crossfit and yoga.  And I am a breast cancer survivor.  I mean the last really makes me a feel like a special case.  Though there are a lot of breast cancer survivors out there, it is way less common to hear that from a 31yr.    So anyway.  I am different but I am slowly realizing it makes me more of a bad ass.  In my own special way.

So what does this have to do with yoga teacher training.  Well, on its face not much.  But I am realizing as I go through this that the only way to become a good teacher, a teacher I would like to go to, is to truly now, better late than never become the most authentic version of myself.  And I'm dying to see the transformation at the end. 

Looking forward and looking back

01jan 14

So New Years naturally brings about some amount of reflection and resolutions.  What was the year like, what did I learn and what do I want to work to change for next year... Also how am I spending the last day of the year.   All very important, or at least noteworthy questions. 

Let's start with the easy one, New Year's Eve... What did I do? 

First I got very dolled up, new bra and everything ( is that an overshare... Don't care) 

Mirror selfie not withstanding, I was looking pretty cute... This was because Ben invited me to a party held at his friend Daniel's house.  I was pretty excited to actually have something to do and knew it would be a good time. We took the T over (Daniels house is near symphony hall) which meant I managed not freeze. There was lots of fun, a midnight count down, and trip to roof. Staying up way later then I ever like, accompanied by Dunkin donuts coffee in the morning.  All in all a pretty good way I ring in the new year. 

Moving on, how was 2013? 

Overall 2013 was a pretty good year. With every passing year I become more confident a self assured so that is always a  good thing.  Let's divert to bullets for time

- ran Disney princess marathon with laurel (which now that I'm thinking about it I sort of forgot that was this year. ) 

- decided to take the plunge and do yoga teacher training... Starting jan 2014

- went to Wanderlust Austin in November. It was an amazing time, full of good yoga and good people. 

- actually went to Florida twice... Again, not including the Disney trip... Lots of Florida this year I guess. 

- cooked most of thanksgiving dinner (minus the turkey and dessert ) 

- learned to row on the water and rowed in my first race

- started rock climbing, and LOVE it

-started hiking again 

so what initially started as it was a slow year is clearly not the case.  I've definitely done some stuff this year.  So go me.... I mean even when it feels like a slow year it clearly was a pretty good and eventful year.  And here is to the next year being even more full of adventures and self discovery. 

Looking forward?  Whats the plan for 2014?  

In terms of stuff to do, I don't have anything planned for this year yet.  But i have determined at least a few things I want to work on.  I mean its always good to work on ourselves.   The first is continuing to accept myself for who I am.  I think I'm tons better then I used to be, but still think its something to work on.  2013 had many instances where I recognized I was undervaluing myself in one why or another.  SO this year I will be working to not do that.  Because I am awesome...its my blog, i can say that... 

The second sort of goes along with that, and can be summed up in one word calm.  What does that mean?  I'm going to work on my internal anxiety.  I have realized in 2013 that alot of my anxiety was wrapped up in my thoughts about what I thought people thought of me... confused yet, so since that is almost always completely FALSE.  I am going to work to release those thoughts from my head and not let my head plan tricks on me to increase my anxiety.    I act like I'm invisible because I expect people not to notice me, so when they don't because I act invisible its a self fulfilling prophecy.  Soooo lets cut the anxiety and let my voice be heard...because its a damn good voice, cussing and all 

I'll leave you with one of my favorite songs of this year... that has pretty much completely amazing lyrics 

Adventureness

30 nov 2013

The great part about having extra time off is there is modivation to actually do some stuff that you've been "putting off" or stuff that life as gotten in the way of. In my case this was getting outside.... Aka hiking in the woods. I was determined to get outside this weekend company or no company. And as fortune would have it, it ended up being a pretty great day. 

I had aquired a hike book... Basically a travel book for hiking in New England, because I know nothing. So I figured even if a number of them were not particularly strenuous it would at least get me in the mode of getting outside and getting to know different areas.  So when I found one near my friend cliffs house... Aka very central mass. I figured perfect combo. 

Cue

Fortunately Cliff was free, so we met in the parking lot and did some exploring. Me, him and a yellow lab. Initially I wanted to do a long trail, which ended up not being a perfect loops so we sort of did a combo run of that trail and this other one called the coffee house trail. It was completely empty which was great, and really pretty. 

A bit of time in we ran across this pond, marsh thing. I mean who doesn't love water. Cliff was psyched because he fly fishes and that is apparently a good kind of area. Needless to say it was a great way to spend a couple of hours. 

It was still early when we parted ways, so I decided to check out purgatory chasm in sutton ma.  This was done solo, so I send Abby my location... She had volunteered to be my location buddy safety person, the previous day. And away I went. 

Mandatory selfie 

This place was really neat. Extremely rocky as you can guess and VERY crowded :( 

The weirdest thing was the random ice bits that were all around 

But there was so many potentially good rock climbing places. I may have to figure out a way to come back there... With ropes. 

This area was much smaller so I stayed around an hr. And then headed back to the car.  When I went to message Abby I was safe and sound I noticed a dinner invite, so the evening was spent with Abby and paul enjoying great food, great company and almost winning at settlers of catan... 

It great when days fall together in a really unexpected and great way. 

Bonjour Paris

Today started very early... We're talking 440 or so. Why you ask? Because today we were off to Paris and the train was at 7. So I rolled out of bed with very little sleep and made my way to the tube to meet S. We made it to the train with plenty of time to spare and proceeded to chill of the two and half ride.

Minus my drink tripping while I was dozing on the grumpy man across the table from me. Not too uncomfortable.... Oops... Train bends and no cup holders. Can't be faulted. Fortunately we got there about an hr after that so it wasn't too awkward for long.

Once we departed the train and did the requisite pee stop. We set about getting metro cards.

I've come to an interesting conclusion over the last few days. I'm actually a laid back traveler. I used to think I would always be high strung but traveling with someone, S, that is extremely high strung and basically goes against the flow whenever he doesn't follow something or understand completely even if I do... Makes me realize hey I'm mellow and actually very laissez faire, as the French would say. It makes me sort of miss when I visited a different S in Amsterdam. It was an awesome yet extremely chill trip. And that is what I need even while sightseeing.. Which isn't exactly the rest on the beach sort of vacation.

Anyways back to the adventure.

Once train tickets were procured we made our way to the metro to go to Norte dame. Always a favorite and always awesome. And it did not disappoint. Apparently it's celebrating its 685, or something , year which is pretty amazing. The rose window was gorgeous and I definitely felt good about going there. And with my new camera I may even have frame-able pictures... Shocker right... If you know me well you know I'm not the best photographer. I didn't light a candle this time because I didn't see st Therese. But I did internally offer some prayers up.

After that we tried to go to St chapelle. I say tried because we got all the way to the front and then found out we had to pay. Which was a downer and decided not to do it. Because we'd just come from a church. And the main reason to go is to see the sun through the stained glass. And it was definitely raining. So we pushed on.

To the Eiffel Tower... Woohoo. This was another must. And of course I've seen it every time I've gone to Paris. But i still wanted to go up. We went up to the tippy top. Which actually involves an elevator change. And we're able to get the amazing view of Paris. I can't wait to download my pictures. Now that I have the mega zoom camera I hope so of the potentially cool shots were actually cool.

We stayed up there for about a half an hr and got really cold. Then it was time for lunch. Of course by the time we found a cafe our brains were significantly hungrier then our stomachs. I got onion soup... You know what we call French onion... And it was very awesome eating onion soup in a cafe in Paris near the Eiffel Tower. Then I got a croque Madame. Basically a glorified grilled cheese with meat, it may have been rabbit but I'm not really sure. I didn't remember exactly what they tasted like but I remember it was good. So I got it but I was a lot of food. So eating again any time soon was out of the question.

After lunch we went down to the arc de triumph. Another good one. I still remember that our hotel the first time I went to Paris was right around the corner. So that area holds a special place for me. It also has the true tomb of the unknown soldier. Or well the first one I ever saw. So I think of it as the first, even though I would guess that most countries that participate in WWI have one. But who cares about the details :p

When we did that I'd sort of run out of a plan but S suggested that we go to basilica sacre coeur. Which we did. The stairs up to the top still such, because of course Montmartre is on a hill, and a big one. But it is completely worth it. Sacre coeur is really pretty and had a completely different feel then Notre Dame. So they are my favorites in Paris but for different reasons. And I saw a real nun:) I mean I've seen them before but it's always cool to see the real habits and stuff :)

After we'd seen that we didn't really have time to do much else but we walked a little and S got another coffee. Then we got a snack... Nutella crepe. YES!!!! And walked to the train station.

We got to the train station ridiculously early so I ended up doing laps around the neighborhood, essentially. Cause the idea of sitting in a train station was completely gross to me. So I didn't. And the neighborhood around Gare Du Nord... Kind of shady. But I made it work.

And now I'm reporting for the train on the way back. It was a long day with some transit foibles but nothing too bad and
We're going home to get some rest and sleep.

Tata for now... Enjoy an assortment of pictures... In no particular order... FYI. I'm officially bad at taking self portraits with a background. It's tricky