Yoga teacher training wk 10

11apr14-13apr14

Oh my god, it's almost over. I can't believe it. It's been an amazing ride and I can't believe it's over. But like when anything ends something else begins. I don't know what that is right now. But I know it will be awesome. 

Friday started with meeting up with Kate and making our way to the studio. Ironically we got a little lost, first time. Typical that is happens on the last Friday. Whatever we made it work. Friday we started with a little meditiation. Which is always nice, because I am lazy about meditating myself. Then we did the flow once through. It's amazing how much better everyone is, and the fact that we do the whole thing makes it energetically better to handle.  Then it was over.... And I was off to shave my head and watch GI Jane... Very appropriate. 

Saturday  I was tired from staying up to late to shave my head. Oops.  We started off with a discussion of what's next. Yikes so much to think about, now it's like do I do more training, get CPR certified, get insurance, where to teach, how much do you make... Ak, it sort of makes my head spin. I decided today (Monday) I'm going to focus on one opportunity at a time and see what happens, that way I won't overwhelm myself. If the universe decides to throw a bunch of things at me at once then I'll figure it out, but I think I'm not going to seek to much stuff out yet. Let's focus on  community classes and screening for sub lists... Though I may look at other studios to get on the sub list for.  

After that we moved into more practice teaching. Which was good. It's always good to move after we sit for a while. I didn't go until the second round in the evening. I got to teach integration and Sun salutations, which was good. It had been awhile since I had done that, so it was good practice. It's sort of funny that I get really unsure of myself then while I'm teaching this very directive authoritative person comes out. Clearly I got this more then my front mind thinks. Because when I let it flow out it comes... So there we go. 

And Franni helped me finish my hair

Sunday we did one more round of teaching, and chatting. And then we had cupcakes and the merryment commenced. 

The whole teacher training family. 

Then I turned into a rocker. Barely able to keep a straight face... I'm a laugher, deal with it.  

I officially have a yoga bandana now, thanks to Nate. 

The party continued at Rae Ann's and it was amazing. Happy graduation to all of us. 

Yoga teacher training wk 8

28march14 - 30march14

So this weekend overlapped with chemo, so needless to say it was an interesting experience. I knew I wouldn't be able to make the whole thing, cause I didn't want to completely kill myself, but I was curious if the plan would actually work. 

I had the lovely Rae Ann pick me up at the hospital when I was done on Friday, and fortunately we had enough time to enjoy some tea and her couch before we went to training.  We also stopped for some really good soup in Woburn or Wakefeild... Not sure but it was good. 

Friday we practice taught and thank god

The universe didn't decide I should teach or assist. And we only did one person. So pweh! I had to through. I'm amazed how much better everyone is getting.  And the lovely Angela dropped me home. 

Saturday Angela picked me up and I felt pretty good. I slept for like 10hrs so that helped a bit.   I ended up only staying for the first bit, which was prenatal yoga. It was really fun and interesting and interesting that moms can do most of the poses, and a lot of the poses that moms can't do were sort of obvious. I mean doing cresecent twist with a belly, um I think not. Emily drove me home after that and I spent the rest of the day on the couch. With a quick visit by Mandy in the form of dinner... Cue Beethovens 9th.  !!! That was a huge help. 

Sunday I ended up driving myself because usually we have the same instructor for the whole day. So I knew if I wanted to leave early it would be impossible to get a ride home. I sort of can't believe I made it through the whole thing but I did. And the topic for most of it was Advanced poses. We did that for a round 3 hrs. So I practiced crow, tripod, tripod headstand, titivasana (that didn't happen ) balasana (figure 4 balance) and forearm stand. I'm decidedly better at being upside down than balancing. But hey it was really fun to play. I want to work toward scorpion because you look bad ass. 

Anyway, let's just say I pushed too hard so after I crawled home.... Assumed the couch position and was very thankful that I took Monday off. 

I think only missing 7 hrs the same weekend as chemo makes me an extra bad ass 

Yoga teacher training week 7

21march14 - 23march14

Another amazing weekend at teacher training. It's sort of great to have this built in mega distraction during the cancer times especially because it keeps me from stewing. I do enough of that at work, so it's really great to focus on something positive and time consuming for the weekend. And of course the company was great too. 

So Friday was restorative yoga day. I knew it would be awesome, because restorative yoga is awesome, and any time they tell you to bring blankets (plural) you know there is some relaxation stuff in store. This was even better because Michelle went into kind a of the philoshy of restorative and yin yoga. Both of which I like, and now like even more.  We got each other into this REALLY supported savasana. Which was amazing. I had had such a pent up week that getting a few minutes to completely let my guard down and be completely supported was amazing. Michelle also showed us how to do some of it to ourselves.  That is totally going to happen. Just saying. 

Saturday actually started off with me practice teaching, literally cause I went first. We started at the balance portion of the flow and went through boat. It was odd starting in the middle, and of course my worst critic (me) though it was choppy. But I got good feedback and the best being the silence. I really like silence in my class or while I practice, I like music too but I guess you could say not talking. So though it felt huge and expansive people said it was a good amount.  So that is something I'll just have to get used to.  Also I did a few assists while teaching , and it was great! 

The rest of the day was exsausting in many ways. Least of all because I did a LOT of locust poses. Backbends are great but I definitely started to feel it in my low back by the end of the day. 

Sunday was anatomy, and assisting.  After having a discussion with some people I realize the importance of anatomy in yoga. Not necessarily with the cueing but good for when people ask about stuff or when offering modifications.  Which in my mind is vital. And assisting was really fun, duh. It was fun to get assisted more and of course to see the other trainees begin to become more confident.  It was really good and I think it will be fun to work with especially while teaching all the end of class poses. And it wouldn't be an assistant training if yet another picture of my butt wasn't created. But it was and it's awesome. 

After we were done we went to mAsanto hang for a little while. Before I went to trader joes and cvs to stock up a bit for the upcoming on slot.  

Extremely sleepy but and excellent weekend. 

Yoga teacher training week 6

14mar14-16mar14

Another weekend of yoga training in the bag and I really don't want it to end. I mean granted having a bit of spare time won't really be a bad thing but it's such a wonderful experience I don't want it to stop. 

So Friday as I mentioned in a previous post I took off. So it was very relaxing. Once I was done getting tattooed I went to hang with Kate until it was time to go.  It's so fun to basically not be at work, not be sick and have some excellent company. If it weren't for the whole job thing I'd do it every Friday. 

Friday night training brought along more practice teaching and more practicing. Since I didn't teach it was nice to move my body.  Fridays are always pretty low key and that is fine by me. 

Saturday is the big day. Practice teaching before lunch, then we got into energetics and shamanism.  The short answer is it was weird. We discused a lot about reading or feeling someone or something's energy, which has happened to me but being very deliberate made it a bit creepy. We did 4 sort of separate things. We did a short mediation to ground ourselves and then we read objects of each others. It sounds weird to say we read them but essentially we held an object in our hands in groups and were able get stuff about the other person, so much so that I initially thought I was making it up. Turns out I was not and was even more convinced when he told me things from the reading that I think but rarely if ever say out loud. It was very cool.  We also met our power animals. Which was also cool but I won't be able to explain. Google it. And finished with a love guided mediation, which was great. And ended up with us singing together in a circle. Yes I'm serious. Unfortunately I don't remember the song.   

Saturday ended with more teaching. I was feeling really sore so I ended up assisting everyone instead so that was fun.  I love doing the hands on assisting, so it was nice to share that with the other trainees.  

And it let into an entire day of assisting. Which was fun for me cause I got to focus on something I love and felt much more comfortable giving feedback because I know I know what I'm talking about. Everyone did really well, I was impressed. 

After training I went to Sunday night slow flow at radient yoga with Sara. Great class and good way to start the week. 

Yoga teacher training wk 4

28feb14 - 02march14

It's been a hard couple of weeks, I mean of course. There isn't exactly anything all that rosy about finding out you have cancer again. Fortunately this weekend I had another great distraction. Yoga teacher training. Wk 4. The good thing about being busy all weekend is that there is little time to think, let alone feel sorry for yourself. And let's be honest, we know I do my best not to go there.  So yoga distract it is. 

Friday was eventful, sort of because I didn't have to go to work. So that's always fun.  I had a bone scan, which was super boring. But then I had a fun lunch with Erin from rowing, and got to hang out with ms Kate before we all headed over to yoga training.  Fridays are always fun because it's such a quick time, which is weird to say because it's still 3 hrs.  I also told everyone at teacher training about what was going on with me. So that was emotional, like no kidding, but I knew those people would. Be a very safe crowed to come out about that with. So it felt good to tell people and be honest about something that isnt rosy. The rest of the night was lots of yoga and lots of awesome. 

Saturday was a long long day because I started the day with a brain MRI at 715 in the morning. So I figured by the end of the day I'd be getting pretty emotional. Lack of sleep always makes me emotional.  But the scan was uneventful. 

The other trainees were so nice and made me 

And everyone signed it. Which was so sweet and made me feel really good. It feels amazing to know that there is a lot of people in my corner this time. And I'm going to be honest about it. 

Saturday brought some Sanskrit, some teaching and some presentations.  I actually really like the Sanskrit part of yoga, though when using the Sanskrit for poses some of them are quite the mouthful, but it's fun and I felt very offical saying Stuff. We'll see what I actually use... Right now I like anjaneasana... It's fun to say and sort of feels like it really goes with the pose. 

Sunday was all about meditation, and chakras. So it was a hard day, I mean meditation isn't something that comes naturally and it's not something that I'm used to doing so it's a different type of hard to teaching and all good, but I'm exsausted.  We also discussed the chakras, which are a little fluffy but kind of cool. I definitely want to do some more research on the subject. Mainly because some things make perfect sense, like if you have a blockage in one chakra you'll have certain symptoms. Basically a lot of that sort of thing thing fluffy seems oddly coquincental, so maybe there is something there. 

Yoga teacher training week 3

07feb14- 09feb14 and the surrounding week

It was another emotional week, which is starting to feel more normal. The more I think and talk about it I really realize how great it is to be differnent and realize that I need to start / continue wearing my monikers of difference with pride because it is our differences that make us all the same. 

That being said, I shared my paper this week. It was emotional because basically when is talking about the effect cancer had on your life not emotional. But it felt really good to sort of release the beast, in a very supportive and loving environmet, and with other grown ups.  I have begun to realize that part of my insecurity with my differences has stemmed from the fact that differences are something to be laughed at, or ridiculed when you're growing up. And ill admit I was an easy target. 

I have always been a bit of an old soul, or older soul. I only recently started to feel that myself is sort of more in sync with those around me. And I have a tendency to stay weird shit, or say stuff weird.  Maybe it stems from my geek-dom, but who knows.  Honestly that's not the point and I sort of don't care. It's part of me.  But needless to say the fact that since I was little I've gotten made fun of how or what I say or do, it's made it hard as an adult to open up.  

So sharing my paper was a tough bar to clear. I wanted to, but I was nervous about how it would be received. I mean I don't want pitty. I never have. Cancer happened and I'm dealing with it, working on living my life to the fullest. There isn't any room in there for pitty.  And I didn't get it. I did get admiration, which is something I have a hard time accepting too. It's not even that I purposefully undervalue the experience but because I put blinders on and spent 6 months dealing with cancer and 6 months truest recooping from cancer it doesn't feel like that big a deal. But I'm realizing that, it is! 

The last two years have shaped me as a person in so many ways. And I'm finally beginning to realize that even though I may never feel strong, or with it, that is just a feeling and the reality is that I am, and I can handle a lot. 

So needless to say it was a very tiring day on Saturday but now that it's out there I really look at all the adversity I've encountered as a good thing. I can show people, accidentally because it's not like I mean to, they a positive outlook is a good thing and achievable. Even though I continue to work on being more positive myself, it's possible even when life throws you a mother of all curve balls, and good things can come out of it. I mean like any step in a journey. Had I not gone through that I would never have gotten deeper into my yoga practice and therefore become a yoga teacher (becoming.) 

It's all meant to be. 

I close with one thing I sort of leaned this weekend as well.  

Namaste obviously has a bunch of translations but one is something like "we now to that which is the same in all of us". Pretty cool, even in feeling different we are all the same. 

Yoga teacher training wk 1 + 2

24JAN14-02FEB14

It's been a very emotionally charged bit of time. Yoga teacher training started and brought with it lots of good  things and reasonable heap of stress. Starting with the fact that I had to write a paper I sort of assumed was due in April in about 5 days and it supposed to be 10 pages minimum, cue the panic, but I got it done.  And I'm definitely feeling a bit more at ease on the work load front.  The rest of the two weekends brought with them getting to know 14 other really amazing individuals and I look forward to getting to know everyone better.  I'm thankful already that the training is so small.   Much less stressful for me, who is not a huge fan of groups.

Possibly as a consequence of the paper or the fact that I know I have been internally searching for things to change I've made some really strong realizations about my self, and my nature.  The smallest of which are "I am important".  Thinking about my yoga journey sparked a lot of correlations and I realized the source of some things. Mainly my strong desire to blend into the background, and how this desire starting in middle school.   I have felt and been different for basically as long as I've known that being different can get you made fun of.

Its only recently I realized that being different and having a different experience is an asset, not a flaw.  Its a hard less to wrap my head around, but I know over time it will happen. I mean for someone who hates being different I sure have an interesting way to avoid it.  I mean the initial way I was different was physical.  I was basically an extremely late bloomer, so much so that doctors questioned the functionality of my body.  I had my first cat scan at 16, so freaked out I had to sit on my mom's lap before.  No i'm totally serious.  

When we weren't talking physical things,   I mean most of my interests even now are a little atypical.  I went to a liberal arts college and majored in chemistry...I played bassoon for 15 years (some of the time it was almost as tall as I was)  I like group fitness, crossfit and yoga.  And I am a breast cancer survivor.  I mean the last really makes me a feel like a special case.  Though there are a lot of breast cancer survivors out there, it is way less common to hear that from a 31yr.    So anyway.  I am different but I am slowly realizing it makes me more of a bad ass.  In my own special way.

So what does this have to do with yoga teacher training.  Well, on its face not much.  But I am realizing as I go through this that the only way to become a good teacher, a teacher I would like to go to, is to truly now, better late than never become the most authentic version of myself.  And I'm dying to see the transformation at the end.