Feedback and week of sunrises

23mar15

This is going to be a week of sunrises I think. Starting today I was up well before the Sun to have my first experience with Prana Power Yoga's "Pre-Dawn" class. I was addmittedly curious how my brain and body were going to feel about the 4am wake up call, but it wasn't too bad. 

I decided to try this class because I knew I could go and come back to my apt to get ready. Showering at my own house is quite the novelty these days. And I'm trying to figure out more ways to get on a yoga practice. 

The cool thing about this class is it's not taught. Just people, darkness, silence and your mat and you. And I actually liked it. I started by reading today passage of "A Book of Awaking" and then moved into the physical practice.  It was not super fancy (and I don't think it ever will be) but felt good and blessed out. The one thing I would have changed on my end would be to set my fitbit so I would make sure to have enough time for savasana. The one thing I would change about the class would be that I would have appreciated the owner mentioning that she om'ed at the end of her practice.  Nice to know in advance but I guess I'll know for next time. We wrapped everything up at ~5:50.  

And this is where the learning point came for me. The owner asked if I had a minute. after we were done and silly me I assumed she wanted to catch up and check in... Not exactly.  She had feedback... Constructive critic... Good stuff. From a class I had subbed the previous Sunday. And though I usually do appreciate feedback done in person, I learned I do not receive feedback well at 6am.  It was nothing to major but still not the best time for me to hear that.  And the worst of all.

It totally killed my yoga buzz. 

So note to self next time, say no to stupidly early feedback. 

And now that I've had time to think about the feedback, I have other thoughts. One of the complaints was a supposedly 12 min savasa... What I say to they is a) ok that's long but not ridculous b) I felt the room needed it, it's not all about you buddy c) if you are timing things in savasana man you got issues... So though I will take some of the other stuff to heart ish... Work on confidence and assuradeness.. Sure that's always good things.  I don't think I'll go to the wall again for awhile until I work out the kinks.. At least not in a true vinyasa class. But otherwise poo on you... It's my flow and I'm sticking to it

Contemplations, Actions and stuff

Its been a busy time.  Lots of things and lots of thoughts.  Health wise things have been ok.  I mean I'm over the main hump of cancer related issues and now just deal with normal yet really irritating stuff.  Like thinking I may have herniated a disk and wishing my sinuses would stay clear for more then five minutes at a time.  The only addition with that stuff is of course that the normal stuff brings a slight background paranoia voice of "you have cancer again" " something is wrong" really.  But I'm following all the necessary protocols and I have to beat that voice down with a stick.  I personally call it the fine art of distraction and it works great 95 - 98% of the time.  I'll take it.  If I can keep the crazy away at least most of the time then that is a win.

On to the fun stuff.  With the improved health I've been tossing lots of vacation ideas for this year.  If you have any thoughts on the matter let me know. I'm open to suggestions.

And lastly I started doing something really cool.  As I've sort of mentioned before

I've been rowing and it has been awesome.  After the Crash B's international comp we switched to prepping for the water.  Unfortunately because of my neck / elbow issues my PT told me I could row.  But I am going to Cox for the military program at CRI and its going to be awesome.  We are starting on the water this tuesday morning.  So I'll make sure to update after that.  I am so looking forward to flying through the water and the awesome sunrises over the charles.  Its going to be a GOOD week.

Thats all for now

Later Gators

Living in fear

I actually had a few different titles because of the many ways I've thought of this. 

It's been an emotional week. This time last year I found out I had cancer again. And this year I DO NOT have cancer, but at least for now I have been unable to escape the fear. One of the grisly scary things about Breast cancer is the fact you can have true breast cancer aka a lump in your boobies. And there are NO symptoms, none. And if you are symptomatic usually there is a PROBLEM involving an organ that is less forgiving of having a growth on it.  I would imagine that this is something a lot of cancer patients encounter. And I the abcense of overt symptoms what are you supposed to do. Nothing. And that is fucking scary. Especially since I've been there twice. 

I mean I've always been a bit of a hypochondriac so that didn't help things either. And it's frustrating to feel afraid most of the time.  I know I put a brave face on to the world, and for the most part I Believe it at least in some percentage. But the other percentage is fear and there is only so much breath you can send to that. 

My hope is that through time, yoga and mediation the sensation will get less, in sort of a water spilling out on a larger surface. The actual volume of water might be the same but it's not nearly as deep. And I have to focus on that.  And ask for some help with that. But it's a challenge lemme tell ya. 

Omnipresence, self awareness, and hypochondria

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. I've been in a bit of a turmoil of feelings, emotions and actions to a certain part.

First off the fact that Boston is experiencing record breaking snow fall on basically ever, it makes it hard to function on a very basic level. Getting anywhere is ways more challenging and I think it's making everyone a lot more irritable.....

Ok who I am kidding, a lot more irritable. 

The second thing going on is the fact I've had a bit of a sense of foreboding. And really the foreboding and the hypochondria sort of go hand in hand. We are coming up on a year since I discovered the second lump in my right breast and the entire shit show of the last year transpired.  For some reason this week has just been feeling very eary. I'm definitely not ok with this feel. Umm yeh give me a huge dose of foreboding... Thanks but no thanks.  But that has not helped the feeling I've had that something just isn't right. Initially I tried to shake it and just play it off as true crazy. But it just wouldn't go away. 

That is the good thing about being a yogi. I can tell when something isn't right. Granted the plague of all winter colds has been going around so of course I initially thought that was what was going on. I mean I had pneumonia this year so I think my lungs are having a disagreement with my body. But I know when something is just a cold or when things aren't resolving. Or at least I think I do. 

I should mention, I'm also extremely impatient when it comes to health things. I admittedly have NO gauge about what it means to be sick, so I never know if though I am not getting better. It's a normal not getting better or if it's an actual problem. And let's just say this inability is ANNOUYING.  It was brought to my attention just now that it might not be impatience so much as anxiety. And no matter what you call it it pisses me off that my mind goes there. 

The shroud that surrounds the medical profession as a whole has been removed and I am not always that impressed by what I see.  It makes me want to take charge of my health care and to a certain extent I do. The limitations I've encountered have some to do with my time constraints and some with medicine as a whole. I get frustrated that I can't devote unlimited resources to determine if and when I have a problem and the best course of treatment. And the fact that medicine had limitations. We power things with wind. We send people to the moon. We should be able to answer why my lungs feel funny. 

Unfortunately the plan and simple fact is that it is not that simple. I am doing everything I can and now I have to wait and see how things play out. I'm fortunate enough I can see specialists without much of an issue. So that might happen. More tests might happen, and I will get to a point where I feel at peace with the answers. 

Wow the memories

I don't know how many people use the time hop ap. And I realize I'm a bit of a late adopter. Hey whatever. But as someone who really like nostalgic moments I sort of like it.... Sometimes it may be wrong. But today I got this 

And I can't believe it's been a whole year since I met all the amazing people and learned some amazing things.crazy and I can't wait for more to come

Puerto Rico weekend

16jan15-19jan15

What a weekend. For the 2015 MLK weekend extra long weekend I met Andrea, Christina and Allicia in San Juan PR for some wonderful beach relaxation. And that's exactly what happened. 

The travel overall was long and for the most part uneventful. Though I have to say I think I'm getting to old for long layovers unless we're talking a HUGE price difference. I spent close to 5hrs together in the Phillidelphia airport. It was boring. And like I said uneventful. But I really could have enjoyed a direct flight. Live you learn! 

Our Airbnb was super cute. I had to get there via cab late at night, which was interesting. Cabbies are very vigorous in their driving. But we were in the top apt so we had a roof deck. It was soooo nice. And so relaxing. We spent a large chunk of every night chatting on the roof, staying up later then I think anyone intended to.  And that's the great part of vacations.... It doesn't matter. 

Our neighboorhood ended up being amazing. With lots of cute cafés and the public beach 5 minutes away. 

One day we went to a different beach to the east. It was nice there cause there was less waves. And it was only about an hr away.  And we went to old San Juan one evening. Which was also interesting because we came on the weekend of the last festival of the Christmas season, and though I never made it to New Orleans for Marci gras, it sort of felt that it could be similar. Let's just say we caught a cab at 9pm. 

Overall it was extremely relaxing and fun to just hang with the girls, and be in a swim suit. 

Sequoia National Park in pictures

Some pictures of the forest