What happens when your internal body changes but you're life hasn't yet.

In going through an upheaval I think it is totally natural to go through a sort of crisis of identity. For me at least I now feel that the things I hold as important are in clear focus and the other things are almost intolerable. And though it makes doing thing like being a productive member of society a challenge because part of the problem is my feelings about work. My internal brain knows I need things like benefits and stuff and that keeps me from doing anything horribly rash. It does not undermine the feeling. 

So that begs the question. What am I going to do about it? I am completely impatient for change so that's going to be the biggest mental issue. But I'm going to meditate and get on my mat, and in the immediate sort term enjoy my

Vacation ( side note I'm actually writing this from San Francisco ) heheheh. I'm going to continue to explore my options and evaluate my opinions and I know in maintaining a relaxed and open mind the universe will plop the answer down on my head... And I have to just wait...research and breath 

Back in the saddle again

Renagade rowing started today! Woohoo! The last couple weeks have been stressful and I'm very much looking forward to my California adventure with stanley. But I have slowly been wanting to get back into more vigorous forms of strength and conditioning. 

So the indoor rowing season seemed like the perfect way to easy in. I had to this point been a bit hesitant to go back to crossfit Boston beginning in a position of having to modify everything and still finish last. I'm really ok with finishing last because I have always prided myself with my form. And if focusing in my body and taking a few extra seconds to make adjustments means finish last then fine. The doubleheader of doing a "modified weenie work out" and finishing last, my ego isn't quite ready to handle.  Even though I know, the only person that would care would be me.  

But rowing on an erg, feels differnt. Because of my height I know when we row for distance I will be last or close to it, simple physics people. But I much more enjoy the internal struggle of maintaining form to be consistent for a certain goal, not just GO. And that feels right at this point in my  physical journey. 

Actual work wise it was pretty light. Pat spent a fair amount of time reviewing rowing basics. Then we did a 1k row and 6 x 250 m row at varying stroke ratings. It was really fun to get back on the erg and do some cardio. It was basically the first real cardio I've done since march, especially if sprinting to the PT doesn't count, and it doesn't. So there. 

And now 12 hrs later. Oooh nelly my legs are talking, but it's feeling mighty fine. Can't wait to hit it again tomorrow night.