Friday, March 30, 2012

Alternatives

I have been in a pissy mood all week. Or at least since Monday's oncology apt. Correlated i think so. It's alot harder to forget that you have cancer when you have an apt to talk about it.

But needless to say I could have used a round of yoga but with the port out on Wednesday it's a no go. But I had a nice walk and jammed out to krishna das wall the sun set. All in all a good evening

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Bye bye bye

No more port. Bye port. I got it out this morning. So all day I've had two things in my head. Yay !!! And ouch!! In constant repeat. I'm happy it's out but now my left side is traumatized so talk to me in a few days and I'll probably be a lot happier.

I went to work after the procedure but I really didn't Want to. Lately I just haven't seen the point. It's not like anything happened or was happening But I just wasn't feeling it. Maybe this is the awakening that dr. I talked about . Like holy hell I just fought cancer... And now I have to go and do AAA like nothing happened. Doesn't exactly compute.

For now off to bed.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Poky poky

Third acupuncture treatment today. It went pretty well. I didn't have to be on my stomach cause it's uncomfortable and therefore hard to relax. I actually got pretty comfortable and relaxed during the treatment. So hopefully the side effects will last a few days at the very least.

I also had my follow up oncology apt today. It wasn't really that big a deal except of course the discussion about. Recurrence Which no one wants to talk about but I would think everyone thinks about. Like I mean really. I got it once so what's to stop it from coming back. Freaky umm yeh and scary. Duh. Well the one thing I didn't realize is the fact that if it comes back its not likely t be curable. That's the part people don't talk about. But just hope. Not like I'm making plans cause well of course I'm not. I mean I've had enough medical shit go down for two lifetimes so I'm good. Except the potential pregnancy or something. I'm done with big medical things. Thank you big guy. You know... You up there in the cloud. I'm done. I want normal from now on.

But for now I just have to be paranoid about any prolonged symptoms and hope I don't have any.

It was a long day. Now off to bed

Bored

I am so bored with weight machines. Or at least yesterday I was. I went to the gym yesterday. Which of course was a good thing. I read the first two chapters of the second hunger games book. Which I am totally hooked on. While on the elliptical machine. Talk about multi tasking. I figured out that if I make the letters really big on the kindle it makes it easy and possible to read on the elliptical. Which means I won't get bored as fast, assuming the book is good. Yesterday I did 40 min so that was good and 3.5 miles. So it was a pretty good pace. Ironically I find it hard to go slow. So I usually do a decent pace.

Then I literally walked around the weight machines cause I couldn't decide what to do. I did the lat pull downs and tried the triceps circular one but it felt funny. Then I decided to row. I did 4 500m rows at a 230 pace. Which was thrilling. Cause last time I tried to row I was tired after my second 500. Yay for improvement. And I was able to get the resistance up to 6. I felt awesome leaving.

This morning I was pretty sore when I got up. But now I'm feeling ok. Alittle tired muscularly. But not bad. So that is excellent. Overall a time well spent. :)

Saturday, March 24, 2012

HHG

Happy hunger games! They did not botch the movie, thank god. The movie was good. The book was better but it was still worth trucking it into Boston and spending 11 to see in te theater. And shock, lennie kravets isn't a bad actor. Go figure.

After the movie i had a nice walk in the common with L with some coffee. Then I spent a LONG time on a bench talking to S on the phone. That was a walk and sit then walk some more. Though having a phone conversation for that long is always fun in public because eventually you end up talking about stuff or saying something that you don't want to be overheard. Which results in some interesting looks from passerby.

Today was a good day out in the world overall. Lately I've bee. Feeling very hermitie. I really haven't felt the desire to talk to people or make plans with people. Which isn't exactly a good thing. But the good thing about living at home is that my mother usually makes me feel bad (accidentally) about not seeing people and therefore gets me out of my own way a bit. Or at least makes me think about getting out of my own way. And this is always a good thing.

Now in typical me fashion I'm falling asleep and watch doubt so that's it for now

Day 8

The hair is coming in slowly. I've been using the stuff from aveda pretty regularly and I sort of have a five o'clock shadow on my head. Maybe this is how it feels to grow a beard. Fortunately not that prickly yet. So that is good.

In other news I won't be getting my port out on Monday :( they called me and they needed to move my appointment for some emergency case. Though I realized later that they asked if I could move it so I may have been able to say no. Which made me feel majorly stupid. Cause I won't ever know if I had been firmer would I have gotten to keep the appointment. Damn my need to be flexible and helpful. Sometimes I wish I thought quicker instead of me realizing 6hrs later what I could have done. Though I guess I've grown since in previous years it probably would have taken 2 days or I wouldn't have realized that I missed that option. I guess slow growth is better than no growth.

I'm going to see the hunger games today with the aopis. I'm excited cause I actually just finished the book this morning. I know late on the band wagon but I love books I can't put down. Which was the case since I just started it on Monday. More later :)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Day 1

Here begins the experiment of hair growth help. Aveda do your magic

What a week!

It's official, it was a long but fun week. I think I'm finally getting my energy back which is good. Because even though I was REALLY sick on tuesday but still manages to go bowling with work people. Which was totally fun, and slightly surprisingly so. And yoga yesterday. Which was a lovely sweaty endeavor. But the fact that I'm now sitting on my bed watching big bang theory and NOT exhausted is totally exciting for me. I actually feel pretty good in general. So yay.

Happy st patties day!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I'm done...

I finally finished the god damn course. I took the final today and I'm soooo excited to be done. Though I don't know how I did yet. So that waits to be see but at least I have no more assignment. Hallelujah !!!!

Project runway tonight :)

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The family

The family that lives together shares their diseases as well. So my mom was sick over the weekend and Monday and now me, my sister, my dad and my grandfather are all sick. I think the brother escaped since he lives upstairs 95% of the time. We've all been having the GI tango and it's been super fun. NOT! Im bummed cause I actually had plans tonight to paint pottery with some aopis. And now I have a date with my bed. It's kind of ironic that I made it all the way through chemo. And now got the stomach flu. Typical

Oh well liquids for the rest of the day. Grumble grumble

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Froggie time

Today added to the business of the weekend.  It was fun though.  I went to a yoga fundraiser at power yoga studio with L.  It was a really good class and I actually made it through most of it without a ton of a break.  There are still a few poses that I have to really stay away from.
Fallen triangle
Flip dog
Crow
and anything else that resembles wild thing

One of the cool things we did was a set up for tripod headstand.  I had never seen that before so it was way cool to get a new modification for a very tricky pose. Though it still hurts my head.  But I am actually really enjoying the fact that I have to slow it down a bit.  Because it gives me a chance to really focus on the basics and work on alignment and breath (things I forget about when i go fast) so its been good to get back to that.

L and I also had lunch which was fun.  Any time that I get to catch up with good friends is ok by me.


Busy weekend

This was quite the busy weekend.  I went down to Martha's vineyard for Friday night.  To help my dad move out of his apartment.  Of course, we're going to have to go back but that's another story.  We forgot one thing and of course we have to be present for the inspection.  But at least I got to see some prettiness on Saturday. 
Here is the view from somewhere in Martha's Vineyard.  It was such a beutiful day, minus the really really really cold wind.  I'm a baby but it was cold.

The bus ride down to the ferry wasn't bad.  We hit alittle traffic, but nothing too bad and I made it to the ferry I indended.  By the time we landed I was super hungry so dad and I went to the Big Black Dog Tavern.  Which I didn't know was a Vineyard thing.  I mean growing up in MA I have seen the black dog sweatshirts a million and two times but didn't know where they came from.  I thought it was just a brand...and a restaurant too!
I had crab cakes..I almost typed crap (oooops)  They were really good.  After dinner we went back to the apartment, cause nothing is open and we went to bed.  Which was good cause I ended up waking up at 7...ugg.  Thanks to no black out curtains.  But it was a relaxing morning.   And then we headed to the Yoga Barn, for a yoga practice.  Me and Dad :)


I really wanted to go to this studio because it looked so pretty in the pictures.  Mine don't really do it justice but it was a really great space and really good class. 

I got this very weird assist to get into wheel.  Which I haven't done in three months cause of the surgery. But it was cool to get up.  Basically the teacher used a strap to lift me up.  And i grabbed onto her ankles. It was one of those yoga moments that you don't really know whats going on and then all of sudden I was in wheel.  Going hey cool.



After the class, Dad and I drove across the island to clay cliffs.  It was REALLY windy.  Clearly.  But really pretty.  Had it not been so windy we would have stayed longer.



I was amazed how pretty the island everywhere.  It doesn't feel beachy even though its an island.  And has all these shrubby trees and lots of open space.  It was a bit too quite for me, but otherwise it would be a nice place to live. If more stuff was open year round. 

After the cliff's we drove to Oak bluffs to look at the ginger bread houses.  And we had lunch.  I liked the houses and once again would have loved to walk around if it wasn't so damn windy. 


Finally we headed to load the car and made our way home.  It was a really fun day.  But boy was I tired.  I was happy to get home.  I ended up getting into bed at about 9:30.  Cause i was that tired.  So daylight savings was not as bad.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Hello from sardine land

Ok not really. I'm on a Peter pan bus. But it's really not crowded at all. Which is good. Cause I'm going down to Marathas vineyard to visit the father "dad". Just for the night but it will be fun. The only plan we have is to take class tomorrow at the Yoga barn. I'm excited. I have to say my phone just tried to auto correct yoga as Uganda majorly amused.

This was an interesting week. I've been so unmotivated at work lately. I sort of want to find out about the last hold outs for pt school so I can mentally get over it. By that statement I'm clearly already preparing for the negative. But at this point I just want to know. Ma keeps saying I should take a class rift away. Since I can (thank you biogen ) for free but a) i don't know what I'd take and b) for some reason I just dont want to. So I should probably figure out why that is first. But every time I bring it up I find myself thinking " yeh yeh whatever" I think I might just need to Morn the loss of the last dream before I start working on another. But I a bright note. Exercise physiology will be done in a week. Woohoo.

The sky is really pretty right now. Will try to capture typical new England sun set

Ok sort of

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Acu what?

So I got acupuncture for the first time yesterday. I have to say it wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world. The process is mildly relaxing. I went to the new England school of acupuncture (mainly because it's cheap) and they actually do a pretty nice service. My acupuncturist chatted with me for awhile and made me realize I'm quite the mess. Then I got up on the table and he started poking around my back. He focused mostly on the near the spine area. It was interesting that he would press on certain areas and it would kill and then others wouldn't so much. Basically her was invigorating the nerve ending a lot of places on my body. But I got 26 needles all together. Which is apparently alot. AND I could feel them all. Which was unfortunate but apparently those people that do yoga feel it more. The first bad side effect of yoga. The downfall of internal awareness. Dang it.

I will say. While they were in my stomach and abdominal area tingles alot which is good.!after the treatment he also gave me a killer massage. Which felt like him elbowing me in the back. Today I think I have a bruise. Oops. But all that being said I made 5 more appointments cause I figured I'd give it time to work and time before I made my final ruling on weather or not I like it.

Temporary ruling. Didn't love it, cause t kind of hurt. Bit didn't hate it because I did feel more relaxed after the fact.

We'll see :)

Saturday, March 3, 2012

A-O cutie pi

I just got back from founders day.  It was really fun to see people and its been really fun to get back into being an active pi. It was at Maggiano's in Boston.  I have never actually been there for a regular meal but for brunch it is really tasty.





 Founder's Day always brings up interesting feelings for me.  In college I usually found it more of a neusence then anything else because it was usually on a weekend before mid terms or involved a long car ride to another chapters location to do a combined one.  Now as a semi not active alum it is different.  It is an excuses to get together with lovely women that I don't see that often.  Of course I always go through the terror of seeing people that I haven't seen in awhile, that no one will talk to me.  Which is completely irrational but still always present.  Like this time people will think I'm too weird or something.  Hopefully with all of  this growth I can work on that.  Because its completely irrational and my blood pressure could use the break. And currently answering the now loaded question of "how are you?" umm yeh. Or "how have you been?" " what have you been up to?" umm...oh nothing.  See what I mean.  Completely loaded question. I mean i don't need or what to broadcast my illness.  Like i tell everyone its not really a secret but at the same time especially with people i don't see often its not like I want to walk into a room and answer "what I have been to? " with Oh i just finished chemo.  Yeh. Sort of a downer and sometimes its nice not to talk about it.

To be quite honest I don't actually know how many of the Pi girls know. I only told me two closest friends but its also not a secret so I don't know if anyone else knows. So whatever.  But I wore the wig so its not like anyone knew.  Though someone I haven't seen in a year commented that I changed my hair.  Which i smiled and laughed, thinking Oh more then you know. 

Food was good and we did a little ritual.  Which was also good.  This month the alum chapter is also doing a jewelry fundraiser so I also did some shopping and bought some jewlery from

 I'm excited for it to come in the mail. I am definitely embracing the need for big earrings.  And will be using them for awhile.  Especially since I'm going to probably to rock the buzz look when the hair comes back.  Since it didn't look too bad. Though will see what happens.

Later gaiter 





Heart yoga

I love yoga.  Especially in my current condition.  I knew yesterday that I wanted to go and have a practice at my favorite prana power yoga class.  And fortunately I had a enough energy to go...cause I needed it.  It was a long week and so i knew i was tense, hence why i wanted to go.  But walking into class made it clear that i REALLY needed it.  There is something completely wonderful and releasing about practicing yoga.  I had a major release during the OM. And it was clear in that moment I was in the right place at that moment.  There is something wonderful about taking a moment to slow down and listen to your body. 

One thing I heard at yoga a few weeks ago was that "yoga offers us a chance to start over".  That is a lesson that really speaks to me right now.  The ability to come to my mat at any point and in any head space and just be.  That is why i love yoga. Granted. Its not always transcendent.   In fact some times I just get mad.  My balance is off, i wish my hips were more open, why can't i do crow pose.  But other times such as now I am working on just being. 

I'm trying in this time to reflect on the life lessons that I've been thrown.  Though there is definitely a lot of refection to be done...and I'm by NO means done.  I want to focus on self acceptance and slowing down.  I used to move so quickly through life.  Since I'm being forced to slow down, physically I decided its time to slow down mentally as well.  And we'll see where that brings us.