Saturday, July 21, 2012

Anxiety driven

So the past two weeks I haven't been doing much yoga and Ive actually noticed. Weird cause it's never happened before. But interesting that I noticed. I have definitely become much more in tune with body. At least more often so that is good. I definitely not at 100% but we're getting there which is really what it's about. We are all works in progress :)

Lots has been going on lately. I started back at crossfit. At a new gym which is really close to my new house. I'm really happy that I started again because really I just had to jump off the fence and go for it. I have had to heavily modify almost everything but it's still been worth it, and just the ability to finish a WOD in the time cap has been exciting. There has also been two times in the last three weeks I've realized mid workout that I couldn't do something and had to spring it on the coach. ... I almost wrote couch...hehe. I felt alittle bad about that one but whatever. It's a learning curve for me too. So deal with it.

This weekend I'm off for a relaxing weekend to visit s and t in nashville. So that should be fun and should have lots of adventures to report :)

I just to wait the 3hrs before the flight. Oops

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Something new

Today has been a good day do far. I went to my third WOD at crossfit Boston this morning. It was a doozy. We ran Harvard stadium. Yes you heard it. It sort of sucked and was great at the same time. I managed 14 flights in 30 min which isn't bad considering a) the lack of shape I'm in and b) the fact I will fully admit to wanting to stop after the first set. So it felt really good to get 14. Which is alittle over one every 2 min... A+ for me.

Then I had all these plans of what I was going to do, but I'm just taking it easy. The original idea didn't happen cause of timing, so I said to myself let's have a slow day. And thats what I've been doing. Made some spaghetti squash, walked to Harvard square, and going to trader joes with one of the roomies.

All over great to slow down.

The site of this mornings workout

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Wanderlust!!!!!!!!!

http://c282314.r14.cf1.rackcdn.com/website-images/wanderlust_logo.png
The day started off great. I actually woke up at 6 which I don't know why I'm even surprised anymore.  But I sort of dozed for another hour and a half which was excellent.  I wanted to get up sort of early because my first class was at 10.    So I wanted to make sure to leave enough time to get there, get the wrist band and figure out where the heck I needed to get to without getting stressed out. 

So I got ready watching Rupauls Drag U, which turned out to be a makeover show.  Go figure.  Anything involving Rupaul is amusing.  So i got ready and then attempted to find the theoretical continental breakfast.  I say theoretical because not only could I not find it I couldn't find a soul to ask.  The hotel is fine and all but its oddly understaffed.  So there was no one around.  Not a big deal since I knew they'd have food at the festival.  So I packed up and headed out.

It was super easy to find because it was one minute up the road.  And because it was a ski resort parking was easy peasy.  Actually getting around in general was pretty easy.  So I got my wrist band and found a yummy vegan smoothie place.  All was GREAT!

I made it to my first class, which ironically turned out to be the only class with flow.  So not as active as intended but whatever.  Still amazing.  Anyway the first class was an intro to Ashtanga yoga with Kate O'Donnell. Who ironically teaches at Back Bay Yoga in Boston.  So I actually felt bad about taking it, but I'd always been curious about Ashtanga so I did it anyway.  So I'm glad I did.  She was an amazing teacher.  If only she taught at some other time then 6am.  I might try it a little.  But I left feeling really good.  I even went into headstand prep, which still doesn't feel good.  But I gave it a 5 breaks go.  And it wasn't bad.  Though I still don't like the way it feels on my head. 

So after that I trucked it to the Lucy tent.  Yes the store.  I caved and bought a shirt last in the day, but they were one of the sponsors so the big tent was theirs.  There I had a lecture about living like a yogi.  It was done by this guy who teaches at NYU and is a Buddhist monk, Lama Marut.   I actually bought his book cause he made some interesting points about how you follow the yoga sutras.  Little did I know I'd come away with a reading list 7 miles long.  I thought I'd just come away sore :)

After that I had some time to kill so I roamed and got some free samples.  And then I found lunch.  Rice bowl with beef.  Then the rains came, which was a total arg moment because I was just going to sit outside until my last class.  And we aren't talking about a little rain.  IT was a ton.  But it was oddly relaxing in a lot of ways because there was quite literally nothing to do and nothing I could do about it. So I curled up on my rolled up mat and started to read my book..the one I just bought.  It was good that I forgot my phone charger because I didn't look at it much and because I didn't want it to die.  But I really wanted to check out and watch netflix on my phone. which  I didn't, So it was a very interesting pull. 

Anyway I managed to kill time until my third class which was given by the dean of the Kripalu Center.  I thought it was going to be a vinyasa class.  Nope it was al ecture.  But that was cool because he discussed Patanjolis Yoga Sutras.  Which I now want to read.  But he discussed how the asanas tape into the body and make us feel things we are blocking.  Then pranayama is the life force which keeps us going also know as air.  So the breath work with asana to tap in the body.  Then daram or manomaya  Kosha is the meditation that allows us to tap into out feelings.  Which lead to the Vijnani maya kosha, which is our higher self.  The self that is not judgmental and content with life.  That eventually  allows us to reach the ananda maya kosha.  Which is Bliss.  OUr completely enlightened self.  It was a really neat way to think about stuff.  By improving the body through the physical we are able to tap into the emotional and therefore improve yourself. 

After the lecture I roamed around a bit more.  Found an interesting booth called Karma Warrior clothes, and bought a tee shirt.  I eventually found my way to one of the restaurants at the resort because i knew if I went home I wouldn't come back for a the concert.  Which was awesome.  MC Yogi and Shakti Sunfire.  Completely awesome.  Then I went home and passed out. 

There was my wanderlust experience.



Monday, July 9, 2012

First WOD

I just did my first WOD since December. Holy hell my legs are sore.
21 15 9. Dead lifts, pushups and wall balls. And I loved every minute of it.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

One of the yoga sutras





Going to Wanderlust made me want to start to look more closely at the yoga sutras.  So far they are VERY interesting. 

Wanderlust the day before

Getting up there was rough with a capital R.  Stratton Mountain is far away.  I am not a huge fan of driving, so driving three hours was a challenge.  Especially by myself.  I actually ended up doing it all in one go because there wasn't really good places to stop by the time I wanted to. Since the last hour or so was the back roads of Vermont.  I am most definitely in the sticks.  I even passed a house that had a fire truck in it.  Talk about rural. 

But I made it in one piece.    Minus my phone charger...dumbo.  I am going to have to make sure to plug it in in the car.  Fortunately if I'm conservative with the uses it should be fine.  But I wouldn't have too many instagram moments. I'm just happy I brought my regular camera so I can go crazy with pictures regardless.

On a side note...since this is a delayed post... i didn't go crazy with pictures..oops.

The drive did serve one good purpose.  I got some time to think.  Maybe a lot of time... But sometimes that's a good thing.  Anyways off to have a massive burger and poss out on a big bed. To get up early for a full Wanderlust experience. 

Below are some pictures from my hotel : )  It was a cute room. 





Graduation day (from assistant training)

I slept like crap.  It was ridiculous.   But I was nervous for being released on real people during the last day.  Nervous that if I could actually do it.  Nervous that people would like what I had to offer.  That I'd be a laughing stock though that last one seemed the most unlikely.  Having been to lots of yoga before and never experienced people cracking up.  But anyways all sort of the nervous and unsure thoughts went through my body. 

Fortunately Sue and Ray sort of knew that would happen and planned accordingly.  The main take away or one of the take a ways for the day was that we are all the same.  At the beginning of the day we broke up in groups of three and were given three poses to make up assists for.  My group got fish, dancer and pyramid.  We didn't actually get to pyramid but figured out some good ones for fish and dancer.  Though in a real class its not like you'd have 5 minutes to sit and thing about the pose, it was nice to realize that we could do it.  All the groups got different poses and we presented them to each other.  So it was interesting to see what other people came up with.  I still maintain balance poses are tricky....very tricky..but i like half moon the best. 

After the groups we split up again.  This time in twos where we were going to assist each other in a practice one on one for 45 minutes each.  Gulp!  and of course my partner was about 6'2'' which provides some logistical tricks in itself.  But it was fun.  I felt like I focused a lot while doing it and realize now how exhausting it is.  But I only smacked into her once and didn't actually knock her on the floor.  SCORE!!! 
That will likely happen eventually and I just hope the person I do it to is nice and understanding.  Because I know I will be mortified...temporarily.  Regardless.  So this practice was good because after we finished I at least had this feeling that "holy crap, maybe I can do this" which was good because we had a quick dinner break and then it was time for the real people.  Which was scary in itself.  I mean talk about panic. 

But all in all it was really just a lot of fun.  It was scary of course but there were a few really awesome moments.  Where I did an assist in triangle and an assist in supine twist and i felt the person melt under me.  And that was exciting.  And I loved it!

Afterward we discussed vulnerability.  Which is not really anyways favorite topic.  Especially mine.  In examining the entire weekend it made me realize how good I am at closing off for the world. Especially lately.  And I know a lot of people would say "oh you're entitled because of whats been going on" and maybe they are right.  But i think its bullshit.  I mean this is the time to get more open and let peoples loves come in.  So that is probably the biggest take away of the entire thing, or well one of.  In addition to the actually assisting.  We are all the same.   All our struggles are the same or close .  We all deserve love and the best way to do it is open yourself up to it and believe that you deserve it.   

The training really brought all that sort of feeling to the forefront where hopefully it will stay for awhile :)

Three quarters done

So day three of assistant training  began with fear again.  Its funny how after feeling really good after day 2 it was weird how nervous I felt going in for Day 3.  Its totally that mentality of though they liked me last weekend, will they like me again this weekend.  Also I've been feeling a bit socially stunted lately because i spent so much time on my own in the last 6 months.  I mean I went weeks without seeing people so I definitely get way more stressed out about it now.  And making small talk! Forget about it.  I feel like a 5yr old.  Seriously.  Though I'm realizing I have a knack to get people talking and my good listening skills come in handy.  Because lately I've gotten a bunch of people to open up to me which is flattering in a way.  And weird in another way.  I don't mind but sometimes i listen to people talk and think wow this is really personal stuff, and they are telling me about it.  How cool is that?

Anyways back to training.  Day 3 we did hip openers and twists.  These assists have an innate way of making you feel completely dumb because they are really hard to do.  Its one of those times where hesitation is frowned upon and you have to actually be kind of forceful in the assist. Not something I'm good at in general and especially when I'm new at something.  That is something I've always struggled with.  But I attempted and somewhat successfully made it through.  The hardest part of the day was when we had to run the "gauntlet".  Any time they use that word its scary. 

The two assistants that came to help and then the teachers took crescent lung twist and revolved triangle and we had to assist once in each pose until we got it right.  Which meant we  went through each line until we "passed".  I hate this kind of thing in school situations because I know I tend to learn things a bit slower then others, which I'm fine with.  I just don't like to broadcast it.  So I don't like this situation cause it feels like you get called out for not picking up the material quickly.   So i knew that I would likely be one of the last people and I was.

There was a time in my life that I wouldn't have been able to identify why I would be so uncomfortable with that situation, so YAY on that front but it would be nice if I didn't feel so uncomfortable to begin with.  But I guess growth comes slowly.

On a side note. 

I heard an interesting quote today.  "The thing about feelings is sometimes we have to feel them. "  Makes sense I mean we can't spend our lives surpressing everything or only feeling the "good ones".  And regardless of what the feeling is we need to work through them to make them go away.  Food for thought.

Anyways we finished off the day and I staggered home to get some rest for Day 4.  At least I officially live in Cambridge now.

Friday, July 6, 2012

First weekend assitant realizations

What I struggle with is love.  Self Love.  But I realized in receiving assists that the appeal was the transfer of love and acceptance to someone else and therefore helping that person accept themselves.  I think it resides in the gut.  It is just this knowing that its all ok and that everything where you are today is ok and to be able to transfer that to someone else is very powerful.  And in return to gain a feeling of accepting yourself at the point that you are at.  It translates to the other parts of life in helping my grandfather, even when he's annoying and I don't want to.  Even when its hard and realizing I can love an accept him even if I don't like him. 

Its sort of ironic that in many ways I am accepting of other peoples flaws without being accepting of my own.  And I think in becoming more accepting of ones self your are more accepting of others. 

I hope to transfer support to students.  Support in practice and in breath.  sort of like love and acceptance it goes hand in hand without love.  And support you can't feel each of them and those translate into acceptance for where a person is today.  And what they are bring to the mat.  It definitely can't reside in your brain because its not an analytical feeling you just have to feel it.  Somewhere deep down its sort of the difference between knowing and understanding.  You just have to feel/ know or understand without thinking. 

Day 2 assistant training

I woke up exhausted and sore from the day before.  I also accidentally slept an extra hour because my phone didn't go off right.  Thank goodness I don't sleep in much regardless so I wasn't too behind.  I got ready and loaded up my stuff and went back to the apartment to check my soggy bed,.  Which was still soggy.  Not the best laid plan but whatever.  So i unpacked some kitchen stuff and talked to one of the roomies before walking down to prana for day 2. 

Like I said I was already pretty sore so I was nervous about my ability to practice a ton.  But I kept up good.  We started the day with closed hop poses....no i lied... we started the day with downward dog. 

This assist was actually complicated because it involves getting in a huge....we're talking huge...lung at the persons head and pushing up on the top of their hip bones.  It feels ok but it was hard to get the hang of.  I've been practicing it in my screenings...its sort of hit or miss assist.  Also its only appropriate for certain body types, so I won't get to use it that often on the lay person.  The more appropriate assists are hands and feet.  Though if you can work in a neck massage it has a pleasant result. 

Next we did closed hip poses.  These involve a lot of suggestions about ways the muscles are supposed to go.  Like in Warrior 1.  But in things like airplane and standing leg split you better have your wits about you because you can really knock someone over..oops.  Hopefully doesn't happen much.

I went to four burgers for lunch.  Which was great.   I really wanted beef and actually really wanted to be by myself.  It had been a good weekend thus far and was the whole time.  But being around that many people that I didn't really know for that long had begun to wear on me.  It was good that I had a chance to chill out by myself for a little bit because the beginning of the afternoon was very emotional. 

We had to reflect about what assisting means to us and the word we wanted to convey wordlessly while we were assisting.   Mine was self love.  Which is something I have struggled with my whole life.  Especially lately.  I mean being bad and cut up really doesn't do good things for ones self presentation and self worth.    So I have experienced self love by getting a head assist during that time and that is my goal in assisting.  To help people love themselves and help myself. 

It is also a way to drop your boundaries and commune with a lot of people at the same time.   But it was exhausting and I cried a lot.  But yoga is such a squishy environment with all women except for Ray so it was all OK. 

Fortunately after this we worked on restorative assists.  Fallen tree, sputavatakonasana,  supin spinal twist, and savasana. 

Si these were great.  There is alot of head and feet work.  The magic head massage is actually tricky when the person has a ponytail.  Which is probably one of the reasons I've gotten so much head loving especially as of late.  No complaints there.  But its scary cause you don't want to drop someones head.  I mean so much worse than knocking someone over.  Thunking their head.   would be so much worst. 

We also learned the spinal traction that ray did on me the day before.  Its a good one and requries some maneuvering when the person is big...but doable.   But we had a practice and assistant practice at the end of class and it was good to take it all and meld it together.  

It was an amazing weekend and exhausting at the same time.  I couldn't believe it was half over.  I walked back to the apartment.  Bed still wet so I slept in newton again.  Completely exhausted.   But to quote one of my favorite yogis...."my socks have been blown".