Thursday, September 4, 2014

Things having cancer twice taught me

Before I really get into it, this is not one of those blog posts where the writer spends pages and pages saying how thankful they are that cancer change their life and how much better life is now that they've had cancer. Mainly because I think that all that is a crock of shit.  You can't tell me you're actually happy you had cancer. I mean there are about 1000 easier ways to learn lessons in life. At least 900 of which aren't life threatening. I mean really. I would take bungee jumping over cancer.  And this girl HATES HATES free fall heights. That being said there are a few, or a lot... Not sure till I start writing... Of things of learned in the last few months. 

1) slower is better - most people that know me off line know me as the one who never stops, doesn't sit down, and willingly works out twice a day. And though I had a great time running around town, feeling fit, and fitting "it all in" the plan fact was it wasn't doing me any favors, physically emotionally or spiritually 

2) how I was approaching dating was not serving my end goal - I'm not going to go to far into this, but I sort of woke up and realized that my intention while dating was not correctly set. That changes now, why should I mess around! Done! 

3) my spiritually bears further discovery - since cancer round two is intimately intertwined with yoga teacher training, it sort of makes sense that all of the spiritual awakening is heightened and continues to evolve during this tirmultuous time. 

4) taking care of my body and mind are paramount over all - like I've said above. I was doing things that weren't helping me and making sacrifices of my health for fun, good times whatever... Bad idea

5) keeping kale or spinach or spring mix in the fridge allows me to add greens in weird ways. - including a hand full of spring mix while driving to an apt on a day I felt I needed more greens

6) slightly dairy intollerant - took out dairy and felt better, who knew ? 

7) I'm allowed to back out of things - one characteristic of myself that I really like is that I'm dependable. Unfortunately it's basically to a fault. I don't allow myself to change my mind. Or didn't, and as a result, I tended to run myself ragged and not always doing stuff that really served my wants and needs in the moment 

8) when people offer to help you believe them when they say don't mind, and take their help - this was a tough pill to swallow, I am naturally extremely independent, and I like that. Or did, or still do. But sometimes it's ok to ask for help and it If someone offers it's ok to take them up on it. And they are being truthful. 

So clearly I've learned and am still learning a lot, and maybe cancer has nothing to do with it, and maybe it does. All that really matters is the growth. 

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