Thursday, October 30, 2014

Having cancer doesn't alwAys mean you act sick, or two steps forward one step back

So you know the shitty thing about cancer.... Wow quite the opener and yes this could be basically anything. But today I'd like to talk about the challenge created between your mental and physical body. 

The weird thing about treatment is the complete unpredictablity of how you're going to feel. The doctors will always tell you to take it easy but that doesn't mean that you should or need to. But that doesn't mean you should go to work either. What some people under or over estimate is the mental strain on your body. And really that's the thing to be comtended with. 

I've basically spent the last 9 months (hey as long as a pregnancy but not nearly as rewarding) have many strong discussions about what I want to do verses what my body is telling me to do, and actually the other way, sometimes my body is the positive influence on my mind.  I've been thankful for my yoga practice through all this because it has allowed me to move my body in a gentel and mindful way.  But overall there has been days I've wanted to do stuff and physically couldn't . Days I've physically wanted to do things and mentally couldn't and everywhere in between.  Even through my medical leave I celebrated the days I went to yoga, and sometimes even when my yoga practice was 90% on my back.  And I did so without worry or apology for actually feeling good enough to get off the couch before radiation. 

The other thing no one thinks about is the lasting after effects of treatment.  You think, " yay I'm done with trestment, I get my life back" and to a certain extent you do right away. I mean I don't miss having to go to the hospital 5 days a week. That was just all kinds of not fun. But when you're bodies been to war you forget that it takes a while to bouce back. Even the doctors tell you it could take a year to feel back to "normal".  

Soo, you go back to your old routine or something similar (since I realized my old routine wAsnt working in the long run) but lately I've felt myself slipping that way and feeling a little crazy.  It's a stark reminder that I am not the same. And that I have to be aware of that and make adjustments. And be gentle with myself and be unapologetic about it. Just because I don't look sick any more doesn't mean I don't need some kid gloves occasionally.  It's important to go back to listening to yourself and screwing the worlds opinion. 

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