Friday, September 13, 2013

The weird kid.

Maybe therapy has made me an over sharer but I have lately in particular managed to pin point at least some of the reasons that I act the way I do. And that is always a good thing, I think. Cause that's always the first step to fixing the "problem". 

I have for as long as I remember felt like the weird kid. Granted the way I dressed, did my hair and to a certain extent talked ( you can ask my siblings about that one) didn't do me any favors. And forever I was always the person that was sort of passed over in social settings, in the background, not fully noticed. I'm not sure how it all began. But after 30 yrs its pretty much the norm to feel like that. And sort of expect that to happen. 

The interesting thing happened last weekend while out with some crossfit girls. All the other girls in the party got hit on but me. And I started thinking, these girls aren't any prettier then me. We all had similarly athletic builds. So what gives. Now I'm sort of thinking its me. Not in the I'm ugly and unnoticeable sense of its me. But I must project something that makes it seem like I don't want to be noticed... Even if I do. Though its hard to rationalize this when we are talking drunken bar action, but you get the idea. 

So this brings me to my plan of attack or something like that. I will try and figure out how to get myself to feel like I should be noticed. I hate being the center of attention, so the idea of going directly to the bullseye well is just not achievable right now, but we'll inch toward it. Because it makes sense to me that if I expect to be noticed more. I will be. 

Or at the very least, can hurt

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