Wednesday, July 9, 2014


It's been a big month, and today is actual the BIG day. Radiation starts today. But this month also I've had a chance to sit back a little, and reflect... And have a different short of craziness enter my life. 

So my dad had a stroke on June 14th (aka the day before Father's Day) the sort of weird timing is especially odd. But yeh, so what was going to be a relaxing two weeks before radiation, not so much. I've really had the chance to reflect on what is really important in life and to me, and really focus on what I need in a lot of ways. 

I've been lucky to have to ability to go and see my dad most days (he's currently at Spaulding in charlestown) but have also had to realize my zeal to do "it all " has somewhat negative consequences to my mental and physical  being. The truest example manafesting in a bit of a cry fit when I missed visiting hours one day, after having worked a full week for the first time in AWHILE (quite honestly I can't remember ) and trying to please both myself and him.   In being tired the gravity of the situation ( really not grave at all) was magnified to epic proportions. And it was in the breakdown that I realized... I'm trying to so it all, and I really can't. Not because I'm dealing with cancer, but because it's a recipie for disaster.   I need actually practice in how to prioritize myself over others and here's really the learning point, NOT FEEL BAD about it.  

I'm a believer that everything in life is a lesson meant to grow, and I've been reading this book 
That in it documents some tips of what people did to beat cancer when basically doctors said they were going to die. And I've been realizing more then ever the energetics and mindfulness practices are really what helps to live a long life. Obviously you have to eat a clean and healthy diet...I'm actually trying something new now, we'll see how it goes.  But most of the things the book discusses are spiritual and mental. If you don't take time to forgive yourself, slow down, listen to your intuition, then really what's the point. 

I had a lesson about that this week in fact. I'm realizing the importance of advocating for my own needs even when you get some push back from people like umm doctors. Especially when everyone else in my life agrees with me, not the docs.  Though it's been tough to let things go, and trust that it will work out. Let's just say the planner in me kinda goes haywire when stress is induced... Still very much learning in the it will all work out category of mental abilities.  But also stinking to my guns, and though I feel bad..... I really do, that I last minute changed my mind and left people at work in a pinch, realizing also that what I'm asking for is reasonable and right and I deserve to get it.... Even if people don't always agree. 

On that note I'm going to wrap up... Cause I feel rambly. 

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