Friday, August 22, 2014

Fancy title

That's code for I have no idea what this post is going to be about, cause I feel like of nuts right now.  I feel like I've been playing a bit of an emotional ping pong game with myself in a seven sided board. One minute I'm happy, then pissed, then sad, then ok, then scared, then anxious. It's exsausting I mean really exsausting.  

I've definitely been noticing the exsaustion more lately. It's been challenging to get up in the morning, and not just on the days I have insomnia or sugar induced insomnia.  Which is completely legit, and at least is an explaination of being tired or sleeping poorly. The inability to sleep for a not good reason is a really hard pill to swallow.  At least if you're exsausted let it be because I was at some really great party and danced the night away, I mean much better then my body decided it didn't want to cooperate.  On a side note related to that I've gotten a lot better at slowing down and giving myself more time to do things, and more time to just be. I don't try to fit a million things in, in a day and I think it's really made me move slower through life and I think it's a good thing. I mean in mechanics the parts that get pushed to much wear out faster... Right, so why can't that be applied to bodies to. Let's find a homeostatic pace and stay there. And if it is slower then the previous one that is ok.  

On a different note I also had one of those weeks where I was very thankful for the yoga in my life. The realization coming sort of in a weird way.  A brilliant yogi died at the age of 95 this week.  BKS Iyengar, who is pretty much the father of modern yoga flow.  And in reading about him I came upon this quote. 

"Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured." - BKS Iyengar

And It made me very thankful that I found this ability to heal myself, even just a little bit. I know yoga can't heal everything but it sure shows me how to deal with everything. Through cancer and yoga I realize that a lot of stuff I used to make a big deal about aren't really a bit deal. 

My friend tony put it in a different way. 

"Sometimes your day is like toes pose" . It feels completely unbearable but if you send it some breath you realize it isn't so bad. That doesn't mean you're not allowed to bail occasionally, cause that's legit too. Certain times stress is just too much, breath allows us to endure to a certain point.  But sometimes you know that if you just sit with the intense sensation for a few more minutes you realize it ain't so bad. 

I also realized recently that I've sort of been developing my art of practice for a long time.  Some people know I've was an avid musican since about the age of 5. I started with recorder,  then flute, and bassoon for 15 yrs.  and I think that in practicing music and learning the discipline of practicing I was priming myself for the practice of yoga and really the practice of life.  It's through all this practice that I finally feel like I can accept myself on my terms more on a daily basis. And realize that some days aren't going to feel or go as "planned" and realizing that is ok. 

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