Reflections on Stupid Cancer

26sep14-28sep14

A week ago I got the chance to accompany Lauren to the OMG East summit in NYC for the stupidcancer.org foundation.  And let's say in brief it was amazing. Just the energy around being with other cancer survivors and patients and knowing that everything I've been dealing with they were also dealing with in their own way. 

But let's get into the details.   I look a half day at work and met Lauren at South Station to take the train down.  As I was going down I realized in my entire life I've only been to NYC 5/6 times including this one. I've taken the train before and though long is a much lovlier way to go.  In my option. 

We enjoyed an uneventful trip down (unless you count a snarky snack car attendant eventful) we arrived in the hub of Manhatten and managed to get a cab over to the hotel. 

The hotel was REALLY nice. We dropped our stuff and went out in search of veggies.... Hard to travel with veggies, just saying. We managed to stumble upon this place called juice jive... It sort of had the vibe of a subway but was a juice and salad bar. We had a really nice discussion with the owner and then walked back to fall into bed. Gotta love NYC. 

Fluffy beds are awesome. 

The conference was Saturday, so we cabbed it down to NY law school and got it going. It was BIG. There were tons of people caregivers and patients alike. In all stages of treatment. We got our swag and settled in. 

The first talk was by Italia Ricci, who is the star of the abc family show Chasing Life. So that was pretty cool. She discussed her role and what it was like to play someone with cancer. It was neat and to know that someone depicting one version of a cancer journey actually does some advocacy too, and had trouble Turning it off was pretty cool.  Humanity does connect us and to know someone in Hollywood who is playing such a role actually cares was neat. 

The next lecture was by a psychologist who sees a lot of cancer patients. It was a very appropriate talk because she focused on getting back into life and reiterated some things I'd been thinking and feeling. I took some notes there and think they'll be helpful in the loving forward. 

Lunch was provided and gave us a chance to chat with people at our table. And explore the vendors.  The people at our table were cool and all I'm saying, check out the etsy store survival organs... Awesome and kind of hilarious. 

The first lecture after lunch sounded good but ended up being a bit of a flop in my opinion. It was about the lobby for chemical controls in supply chains... Like how bad flame retardant is and how stuff like that isn't regulated at all. Which I kind of knew.  But over all it did not give a concrete set of things to do to fix or help yourself.  I am going to try these two aps:  good guide and think dirty... Knowledge is power. 

The last panel was a survivor panel, which I loved. The questions were thought provoking for me and interesting to hear the responses of the others.  As the questions were asked If answer them in my head... I unfortunately don't remember any specifically but they were cool. 

After there was a social hour which I went to for a minute, and then left to go surprise Sarah, who teaches at Lyons Den Yoga, which happened to be around the corner from where I was. That was fun too. Nothing better then surprising a friend and getting the "wait you should be in Boston face" priceless. We caught up for a bit and the I met back up with Lauren... We had places to be. 

Where you say??? The Capitol Grill on Wall Street.  How fun is that?  Lauren had received an award so they planned fun stuff for us, her and guest, including a fancy dinner. 

It was delicious and decadent and fun. We poured ourselves into bed later the. Usual but totally worth it.

Sunday was lazy. Woke up late and made our way to the spa (another surprise for me) before made my way to the bus and back to boston. 

Such a great and inspiring weekend, and our hotel was close to a really famous theater. How cool was that. 

Chemo 3 to the 2 power

09may14

It's offical, we're on the tail end of chemo. Thank goodness. I mean it's so fun and all but not really. I'll be happy when it's over.  This time felt differnt after taking some time off.  It was like I got in all the activities I would like to do and the. I was a little, we're talking a very little, bit ok with being hooked into the toxins again.  I also started to detox my house, but that is for a differnt post. 

I slep poorly as usual but that wasn't a surprise. The fun thing was that my sister was there. We had a bit of a sleep over, which was really fun. So I got up early to get all my ducks in a row and she got up at the last second, and we loaded I the car.  

I sort of developed a method to the Fridays now which is weird a little but sort of comforting.  Blood work, coffee, browse hats... Purchase hat

See the doctor and then infusion. 

 

Seeing the doctor was boring are usual, though I did see the actual doctor which was nice. Ironically I had a form for him to sign, and did I remember to have him sign it.... Nope. Oh well. 

After the doctor I had just enough time to go out to the mediation garden for a hot second. It was a little chilly so that's all that was called for anyway. 

Infusion was fine. I actually had a differnt nurse who I went to high school with.  Talk about a small world. And I got a window seat.... Woohoo. Nice to look outside, not nice cause it was kind of drafty.  Fortunately they kept the heated blankets coming, so I was fine.  

During infusion I got an acupunture treatment, ear needles and a massage. Not too bad. And then I had two visitors. Susan and Kate came to visit. Kate has come the other two times and susan just this time. But after an entire day of being alone it was really nice to have some company to finish it off.  I appreciate all the kindness and large and small gestures people have done all through this.  Susan also kept me company waiting for my ride, Bruce who was my

Ride a lot the previous time, and then went home, Pjamed and bed. 

The one thing we forgot to do was a yoga pose... But it was rectified the next day 

Again. With the surgery

04march14 - 05march14. 

This slowly marked the beginning of cancer treatment round. I officially had scans of my entire body, including brain and bones, which came back clear. So other the tiny bebe that I found in my best things are looking good. 

Monday evening I took a vinyasa class at all one yoga with Katie. I knew I needed to get on my mat, because I pretty much felt crazy. I mean this procedure was significantly smaller than my previous ones, but surgery is still surgery and being reasonably distracted seems reasonable. And yoga helps with that. 

I didn't have to be at mass general until 1130, so it was nice to have a slow morning. I did a short practice before showering, then got ready to go. I even had time to do a little mediation. So that was good. 

My chariot came on the form of an Abby. And we were on the way. I was glad I changed my mind and had her come in with me.  Like any thing involving hospitals there was a fair amount of waiting and it was nice to have some good company.  I realized its nice to have people around, especially in the chance that there is waiting around. 

Our first stop was nuclear medicine, to turn me radioactive. Basically for a sentinel node biopsy they like to inject you with a tracer so they can see where the lymph nodes drain. So other than a shot, not a huge deal.  

After that we made our way over to the center for peri operative care. It was a great improvement since the last time. Very comfy. We waited a little and then I got called back. After some questions and changing Abby got called back and a quick goodbye. I was on my way.  On a side note, after I changed I hit the ladies room and confused the crap out of the nurses cause I wasn't there when they got back.  But I digress. 

So surgery went off without a hitch. Even though they switched to general anathesia at the last minute. Two little incisions and it was done. I got some time in the PACU and then post op. Mom picked me up and we made the way home. 

We sent dad to cvs to fill my perscriptions. And I relaxed and hydrated on the couch, until I completely passed out. 

Wednesday was a bit better. Still pretty groggy and realizing an incision under the armpit sort of sucks. I mean it's a good thing cause they'll be able to get even more a picture of the lymph nodes, since they look on out. But you don't really realize how much stretching is involved until they cut you there. Also my whole body is tense and sort, partially from yoga and possibly from the medical war that is being had on my body.  Either way not a fun time.  

Another day was spent relaxing at home, and too cute my dads coworkers sent flowers. Which is pretty awesome because I've never met them, at all. So that was very sweet.  

I decided to take tomorrow (Thursday ) off too cause I'm still pretty sore, so at least on more day to recoop. Now off to bed before eyeballs shut on their own. 

Why phone a friend is awesome

Ok this post is kind of just for me, but here we go. Actually they are all just for me... So there :-p 

Anyway, it was recently brought to my attention that I diminished an accomplishment because I had the help of a friend. Actually it was that a friend talked me out of doing something that could have been emotionally pretty devastating.  And though the end result, was the good emotionally healthy result, which is really the important part of the whole cenerio I shluffed it off because I had help. 

That is what's annouying about our culture. There is nothing wrong with asking for help and actually it's better. I mean more brains, more hands more eyes the better. Right? I still have my own conscious thought and ability to reason but there is nothing wrong with taking a pollin sample before making a decision.  And frequently it can lead to making the better decision, more true to self choice. 

In this case and probably many other bad  decisions, I made them while trying to be someone that I am not. It's more important to accept the way you are and your nature and realize that's ok. There is no reason to try and prove something to someone that really isn't you. If you're bothered be bothered, and don't pretend otherwise. 

So I realized that it doesn't matter how you get to the right decision. Just that you get there, and if you had to lean on someone to do it. Then more power to you.