Friday, February 21, 2014

When your world crumbles

I feel numb. The one thing that you fear when you have cancer, especially at 28, is that it will come back. I mean you muster through everything the first time, get to the end and think "ok I made it, now I can get on with my life." I mean really who wouldn't think that. Life throws you a wrench and you manage to dodge it, sort of, but you come out the other side thinking you'll never have to deal with that again, minus an overly close relationship to a few physicians.  Until it turns out life throws you another similarly shaped wrench. 

Oh yeh that's right like a really really bad zombie move, the cancer is back. I found a tiny hard pea sized node on Monday and now on Friday it's definitely cancer. I've had a cat scan, FYI barium is gross... Really gross.  And a fine needle biopsy. Which is how they found it to begin with. 
Fortunately today I found out the scans were clear, a very good sign, but still getting more studies. And probably more blood draws because who doesn't love those. But things are progressing nicely, in a manner of speaking. 

At this point my emotions are all over the place. I mean I'm pissed, duh. That sort of goes without saying, but I'm scared and worried and confused as well. I mean that's the scary part. Now that the hard part. The future and what the hell is going to happen. The only thing I know for sure is its one day at a time. And somehow I'll get through it. 

And as stanley told me 
"We're going to slap the bitch " 

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