Sunday, February 2, 2014

Yoga teacher training wk 1 + 2


It's been a very emotionally charged bit of time. Yoga teacher training started and brought with it lots of good  things and reasonable heap of stress. Starting with the fact that I had to write a paper I sort of assumed was due in April in about 5 days and it supposed to be 10 pages minimum, cue the panic, but I got it done.  And I'm definitely feeling a bit more at ease on the work load front.  The rest of the two weekends brought with them getting to know 14 other really amazing individuals and I look forward to getting to know everyone better.  I'm thankful already that the training is so small.   Much less stressful for me, who is not a huge fan of groups.

Possibly as a consequence of the paper or the fact that I know I have been internally searching for things to change I've made some really strong realizations about my self, and my nature.  The smallest of which are "I am important".  Thinking about my yoga journey sparked a lot of correlations and I realized the source of some things. Mainly my strong desire to blend into the background, and how this desire starting in middle school.   I have felt and been different for basically as long as I've known that being different can get you made fun of.

Its only recently I realized that being different and having a different experience is an asset, not a flaw.  Its a hard less to wrap my head around, but I know over time it will happen. I mean for someone who hates being different I sure have an interesting way to avoid it.  I mean the initial way I was different was physical.  I was basically an extremely late bloomer, so much so that doctors questioned the functionality of my body.  I had my first cat scan at 16, so freaked out I had to sit on my mom's lap before.  No i'm totally serious.  

When we weren't talking physical things,   I mean most of my interests even now are a little atypical.  I went to a liberal arts college and majored in chemistry...I played bassoon for 15 years (some of the time it was almost as tall as I was)  I like group fitness, crossfit and yoga.  And I am a breast cancer survivor.  I mean the last really makes me a feel like a special case.  Though there are a lot of breast cancer survivors out there, it is way less common to hear that from a 31yr.    So anyway.  I am different but I am slowly realizing it makes me more of a bad ass.  In my own special way.

So what does this have to do with yoga teacher training.  Well, on its face not much.  But I am realizing as I go through this that the only way to become a good teacher, a teacher I would like to go to, is to truly now, better late than never become the most authentic version of myself.  And I'm dying to see the transformation at the end. 

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