I slept like crap. It was ridiculous. But I was nervous for being released on real people during the last day. Nervous that if I could actually do it. Nervous that people would like what I had to offer. That I'd be a laughing stock though that last one seemed the most unlikely. Having been to lots of yoga before and never experienced people cracking up. But anyways all sort of the nervous and unsure thoughts went through my body.
Fortunately Sue and Ray sort of knew that would happen and planned accordingly. The main take away or one of the take a ways for the day was that we are all the same. At the beginning of the day we broke up in groups of three and were given three poses to make up assists for. My group got fish, dancer and pyramid. We didn't actually get to pyramid but figured out some good ones for fish and dancer. Though in a real class its not like you'd have 5 minutes to sit and thing about the pose, it was nice to realize that we could do it. All the groups got different poses and we presented them to each other. So it was interesting to see what other people came up with. I still maintain balance poses are tricky....very tricky..but i like half moon the best.
After the groups we split up again. This time in twos where we were going to assist each other in a practice one on one for 45 minutes each. Gulp! and of course my partner was about 6'2'' which provides some logistical tricks in itself. But it was fun. I felt like I focused a lot while doing it and realize now how exhausting it is. But I only smacked into her once and didn't actually knock her on the floor. SCORE!!!
That will likely happen eventually and I just hope the person I do it to is nice and understanding. Because I know I will be mortified...temporarily. Regardless. So this practice was good because after we finished I at least had this feeling that "holy crap, maybe I can do this" which was good because we had a quick dinner break and then it was time for the real people. Which was scary in itself. I mean talk about panic.
But all in all it was really just a lot of fun. It was scary of course but there were a few really awesome moments. Where I did an assist in triangle and an assist in supine twist and i felt the person melt under me. And that was exciting. And I loved it!
Afterward we discussed vulnerability. Which is not really anyways favorite topic. Especially mine. In examining the entire weekend it made me realize how good I am at closing off for the world. Especially lately. And I know a lot of people would say "oh you're entitled because of whats been going on" and maybe they are right. But i think its bullshit. I mean this is the time to get more open and let peoples loves come in. So that is probably the biggest take away of the entire thing, or well one of. In addition to the actually assisting. We are all the same. All our struggles are the same or close . We all deserve love and the best way to do it is open yourself up to it and believe that you deserve it.
The training really brought all that sort of feeling to the forefront where hopefully it will stay for awhile :)