Then I went out and got my fingers done. ( I picked a fun color ) which is why I had to display. Ma's eyes bugged out a bit when i showed her but I like it so poo poo on you. I also got some errands done which is always good. I stopped by Target to check out the Jason Wu stuff. They weren't completely wiped out but it was all large and extra large so I didn't buy anything. Though the tops were cute. I did get a green dress, which hopefully will look good with my boots and leggings and make a nice work outfit. Once it warms up about 30 degrees we will see. A quick stop at Stop and Shop to redeem water bottles and I went home. One a slight side note. 5 gallon water bottles are great. My brother gave my a water cooler thingy for Christmas, (random present for some but some of you know how much water I drink...so not random at all) In acquiring the dispenser I don't think any of us realized you could redeem the water bottles for essentially what you pay for them. So in my trip to Stop and Shop I suddenly became $12 richer...just for recycling. Can you say..easy healthy money.
Once home I haven't accomplished much. I had the thought about going to the gym (aka do the elliptical, still not cleared for weights) but didn't because I decided printing out the rest of the power points for my hated online exercise physiology class was a better idea. I really hate the class, and I think because its weighed on my mind 2 months longer then it should of isn't helping. On line classes basically suck, and then to take a 16 wk pain in the ass and make it a 24 wk pain in the ass...hasn't help. Since I don't really have the energy to work on it is not like its getting done any quicker. Fortunartly I have 4 assignments left. So it will be getting done soon. But thanks Cancer for dragging that shit out. I mean really thanks.
I had dinner with mom, and have spent the last bit of time actively not watching the super bowl...so active in fact I don't even know the score. Will investigate after posting so I don't sound like a complete twit at work. But I just watched 50/50 (the movie about the kid with Cancer) and though it sounds dumb to say it made me realize what I'm feeling right now is MAD. I'm mad that I'm so tired all the time. I'm mad that just as I was finally getting the energy to start actively trying to date I get diagnosed with cancer. I'm mad that every time I get a head ache or something aches or whatever I have to think if its cancer related, life related or I don't know. I'm just mad that my head itches and I really hope that goes away once the hair is GONE. I'm mad that even though i shaved it on monday i seem to have gotten all my hair every where and every time i put on a shirt its got hair on the inside. Today I'm just mad and sad. I mean its just sad. And this isn't even my first physical trama thing to go through. Its like what the hell. I've gone through two other really major tramas when really I lead a healthy life style and I'm a normal person. But yet, I almost get a detached retina in the 9th grade (softball) I have corrective surgery after freshmen year for a malformation and now this. Like what the hell.
Maybe thats why in general i've been able to deal with this shit. I mean it sucks and all but you just have to put one foot in front of the other and just deal with it. But lets make a deal...lets not have any more that involve death as a possibility. I'd be really ok with that. Thanks.
I think i need to go to yoga tomorrow. And bed today. Night all.
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